Misoon El-Gomati
‘Crimson’
Tears fill my eyes and my heart weighs heavy on my chest
I loved and lost you
Yet see your face in the colours of the crimson flowers you once were
The lofty heights you once aspired to left by the wayside as you creep to the right of all you declared sacred to you
How could you abandon us?
We who loved, honoured and respected you
You who held my hand and declared us one
You who stood by me and my kinfolk as we toiled and strove for all that we hold dear
The foundations that you laid all those years ago, for the good of all that we believed in, now dismantled piece by piece by a once common enemy
I observe you from afar and wonder if you'll ever capture my heart again?
Can we ever recover from the gut-wrenching betrayal you inflicted upon us?
Maybe. One day. When your flowers lose their purple tinge
Altered in state from the deep crimson you once proudly displayed
Having been seduced by courting bluer shades
When you curb your desire for fame and fortune and realise that true love does not deny its heart
That reclaiming all that made you good and pure can once again be achieved
Simply sever all ties with your current beau and slide back to the left of all you were
This piece was written the day after the 2015 election results, and is inspired by how I felt about the Labour Party at the time. It’s written in the style of a romantic poem about a lover’s betrayal. The extended metaphor used throughout is the Labour Party’s red rose, hence the title ‘Crimson’, and references throughout the ‘deep crimson … proudly displayed’. The changes in colour from red to purple are seen as a direct consequence of being tainted by ‘courting bluer shades’. The colour blue here represents the Conservative Party, with the implication being that Labour’s values were tainted by associating too closely with their political adversary and ‘once common enemy’.
‘Pillars’
Pillars that held up the foundation for so many edifices
Impenetrable fortresses built before I was born
Ensuring my walls always remained unyielding
Behind each one lay tenacious characters
Providing wisdom, pledges, refuge and love
He
He is my beating heart
Love so pure our iridescent colours combine as safety and security lays here
Miles and mountains travelled
Crossed words and cries were not heard
Only love
Expressed in a multitude of ways I struggle to name you
I love you, with such force and strength I struggle to speak your name and reach out
My life exploded and pieces of me shattered on the floor
I felt and feel too ashamed to call, to write, to text, to visit
I run away from you, because I know in your presence, I only want to be the best version of me
The me you knew so long ago
The me you moulded, into the remains of the woman I am today
I love you and I’m sorry I can’t be better
Be present
Be the me you loved and nurtured
Through stifling summer sojourns
Coalescent car journeys
Sweltering heat
Made bearable only by your presence, by your love
Part of me knows you won’t hold it over me
Knows you love me like that too
You see it in how I love your kin, how’s she the beauty of the love she was moulded in too
So I send my regards and send my love via messengers
I hope you know
Part of me knows you know
But I fear you won’t really know know, before time tears one of us away
I love you and I miss you
As I love me and miss me too
Or the part of me I once was
I don’t mind that she no longer exists
It’s just that what’s in place isn’t perfect
And I fear my perfectionist ways will puncture and pique me in endless irreversibly broken ways
I love you because you showed me the purest expression of love
Where others loved with fierce tones and fists you laughed
Endless endless jokes
I would wait. In anticipation in the back of the many cars you assembled by hand in times of hardship
Would sit behind you and listen in
Out of place post-colonial red pillar boxes catch the corner of my eye, as I listen intently to your latest tale
The car erupting with laughter, love and warm memories, forever cemented in your presence
You are love
You are life and love itself in human form
And this is my ode to you
This poem forms the first part of what will become a wider collection on the theme of pillars, which represent the various figures in my life who have in some way impacted, shaped, or moulded me.
‘The Journey’
The sound of your laughter
Fills me with fear and trepidation
Your pre-weekend merriment
Spells disaster for me
The butterflies appear
And my presence shines brighter than ever before
All eyes on me
Am I in the way?
Did I knock you by accident?
Have I done something wrong?
Their voices get louder
As does their exuberance
My fear only grows
Nervously I check my surroundings
In the most covert of manners
It’s too late though
They’ve seen my crescent moon
Cascading above my head
I feel the bile rising in my throat
Summersaulting stomachs and goosebumped arms invade my body
As they begin their journey around the domain they claim is theirs
The looks and jeering begins
As clanking cans and decanted drinks flow freely, fuelling their fury
I quietly await
Along with my fears
For the inevitable
Wondering which one to fear ...
First
Which exit to turn to
Which part of me to protect ....
First
I wrote this piece as a commentary and reflection on the many train journeys I have taken over the years as a woman who used to wear the hijab, represented here by the Islamic symbol of a ‘crescent moon’. The first stanza outlines the element of fear and anxiety felt by the ‘pre-weekend merriment’ when encountering groups of intoxicated men once they notice a lone Muslim woman on the same journey.
Written by Misoon El-Gomati
Misoon El-Gomati is a British-Libyan from York, with a passion for writing poetry, spoken word performances, social activism and Education. She has almost 20 years’ experience in the field of Education, activism and public speaking. Misoon’s unique perspective, in navigating and carving out niche spaces within places already considered unequalled and diverse, sheds a light on the day to day reality of being a woman and being othered.