Sarah Thayer

What a Relief to Feel My Grief

What a relief, to feel my grief

When I feel mad, it’s more likely I’m sad

Behind all the rage, there’s a missing page 

It’s that old belief, that I shouldn’t feel grief

The person or life that I loved is not here

My world’s upside down, full of dread and grave fear

I cannot see now, who on earth I will be

Without you, my love, your connection with me

I lie here, still numb, I so wish I could run

Or just wait for 'that someone' to save me. Oh, come!

I’ve fallen apart, so deep in my heart 

Never again. There’ll be no new start

I stay here in darkness writhing in pain 

Hiding from life, there’s nothing to gain 

Others can’t see it; I try hard to pretend 

That life must go on and I’m now on the mend

But time is no healer, despite what they say

Yesterday’s gone, here’s another new day 

Same twenty-four hours of the pure agony 

Wishing my life was not here, I’d be free

Yet, as the time passes, slowly I love

Some signs and new signals that come from above 

I feel changed. All the fear does not sit quite so close

Hope arrives, lightly dancing with my deep, dark morose

Although I know now, that you’re not coming back

I don’t have to stay on this lonely, old track 

Just feeling blurred worlds whirring all round my head

I can lift myself up; start moving slowly instead

I get up and see light; that bright, shiny glare

And stand at the window. I stop and I stare 

Then a bird comes and tweets at the glass, toward me

Something stirred as I watched. My heart flickered. Some glee

It’s the first time in eons Hope may have just spoken

A moment of pause from me loving my Broken

I’ve dared to come out; perhaps I’ll join in 

This energy came on its own, from within 

So now I must tell you to trust your own Guide

It’s the voice that resides deep, dark on the inside

Sometimes it’s quiet. Hardly a hush

But you’re its caring companion, there’s no need to rush

Your process – it matters; most important of all

Not someone else telling you ‘get up, go be tall!’ 

No. Watch very closely and feel your way out

One day, you’ll want change. You’ll run, scream, laugh and shout

I still cannot feel all the Happy out there 

Yet, I’ll talk to you darling, you know I still care

You’re my Grief and I love you. Feeling you has just meant

That my life could re-start with a whole new intent.

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Written by Sarah Thayer

Slow Coach Sarah works as a Transformational Coach helping individuals and organisations to live more authentically in life, at work and in all their relationships.

So many people confront life’s changes and challenges alone every day. Slow Coach Sarah’s approach provides a safe space for you to explore your hopes and dreams for the future as well as whatever you’re going through now. You'll gain greater emotional clarity and confidence about who you are, where you’re heading and how you'd like to live.