Truth or Dare: The Many Faces of Madonna

I have been a fan of Madonna for years, since 1985 and Crazy for You hit the charts. I wanted to be Madonna, she was trendy, fearless and beautiful. I would wear lace gloves with tens of bangles, mini skirts and lace leggings, anything that my young teenage hands could grab a hold of. I still love the 80’s now, I think many of us do. It was a fun decade for many of us growing up then.

Over the years, Madonna’s look and music has changed. She has always been a fearless fashion icon, always very expressive in her views on the world and sexuality, and has always been known as a badass. I have loved most of Madonna’s looks; from sexy punk rock to androgynous, she has pretty much cornered every image possible. While the media has sometimes critiqued her chameleon style transformations, I have always looked on in admiration. Until now.

When I first saw her latest look, my initial impression of one of shock, I thought she looked like an alien. I admit she looks very young, in her twenties, but it doesn't seem natural. Her forehead seems really large compared to her chin, like an upside down triangle, her eyes seem too wide and high, her face seems out of proportion. It is not Madonna any more.

My next reaction was ‘why does she want to look like this?’ I thought of girls I see on social media from acquaintances and friendships I've made over the years, when they share their ‘insta-pics’ from when they go out, you can barely tell them apart. They all have the same make up style, wide eyebrows, foreheads and cheekbones sculpted with contour makeup, cheeks, chins and necks minimised. Sculpting with contour is one thing, undergoing surgery is something else. However much I disliked Madonna’s new look, it felt familiar enough to give me my next reaction: fear.

Is this how we are supposed to look to be accepted or noticed? What does it mean if we don’t look like this, or appear to be aspiring to look like this? I feel that when we get to a certain age, we become less noticeable. I was walking on a beach prom recently, and was almost knocked clean over, head on, by a skateboarder. It is not an isolated incident either, I am frequently ‘bumped into’ and ‘walked into’ when I go into the city. I am becoming more and more invisible.

In the past, the messages I have taken from Madonna have been encouraging. I felt like she was telling us it is ok to be who we are, to dress how we want to and to express ourselves. To cherish the joy in our lives, that we are all superstars and let love shine, come together and make things better. This is a harder ideal to live as we age, perhaps this is why Madonna makes constant changes to her appearance.

Once you get to a certain age, it is hard to buy clothes that make you feel unique. In my area, most ladies my age are a collection from the Sea Salt, White Stuff, and Coast catalogues. We blend in to this homogeneous yet invisible presence. Perhaps Madonna is also fearful of this cloak of invisibility that ageing brings?

The take away that I have taken from Madonna’s latest change is one of fear; that it's not ok to be yourself, that you must hide your ageing from the world, that we are not a valid presence unless we are aesthetically pleasing to look at. Has Madonna changed? Has her message to the world changed? Was there ever a message intended, or was she just being how she wanted to be, with no agenda or message intended?

Society is hard on women and our appearances, our bodies change drastically compared to men. We begin the menopause around the same time that our children reach puberty and at the same time that our parent's health and independence starts to change. We have a lot on, yet we have to keep looking like a 22-year-old at the same time.

I do love the Stevie Nicks quote in the New York Times, February 2014:

“You have to keep yourself youthful, and I don’t mean looking 22 and going to plastic surgery and looking like a caricature of yourself, a stranger that nobody recognises so that you can’t even get a table at a restaurant because you don’t really look like Stevie Nicks anymore”.

Yes, there is a place for self-improvement, for taking care of one's appearance and looks, but I hate the idea that anyone feels the need for fillers, fluffers and Botox in order to be accepted by society, or even worse, accepted by themselves. This is the true root of my personal fear. The lack of self love in women. The effects of this on those around us are immeasurable.

I still remember the upset my mother expressed as she critiqued her appearance, and she was beautiful. How she would beautifully sing ‘keep young and beautiful, it's your duty to be beautiful, keep young and beautiful, if you want to be loved’, then have an angry outburst shortly afterwards. How the same words resonate in my head when I look in the mirror on some days. It's an effort to interrupt these invasions, which is what they are - invasions. The more that we buy into this idea that acceptance only comes with beauty and youth, the more we perpetuate it for the women that follow us. The women who are just girls today.

There is a shortage of self-love and self-acceptance amongst most of the women I know, regardless of how beautiful, loving, talented, warm or inspiring they are, each of them has an area of themselves that they do not like. One friend, who I think is strikingly beautiful, warm-hearted and inspirational, confessed that even in her 60th year she still didn’t like how she looks and guessed that she never would. We acknowledged the sadness of this, and how prevalent it is amongst our friends. Another, a young work colleague in her 20’s, young healthy skin, hair and body – beautiful inside and out, talked to me about her not liking any images of herself that are unfiltered. It breaks my heart to see and hear of women struggling with these issues, regardless of age.

Pride in our appearance is not a bad thing, it's normal. However, I believe that this must be tempered with self-love and self-acceptance. I think we are sometimes afraid of allowing ourselves to be happy with our appearance, afraid to try too hard in case we are seen as ‘mutton dressed as lamb’, afraid to try too little in case we are seen as ‘having let ourselves go’.

Being happy with ourselves allows us to love that wonky nose, or short neck, but also enjoy the effects of makeup and clothes to enhance our best features. To allow ourselves to breathe in this body, not always holding something in, or twisting at weird angles to hide the softness of our jawline.

Self-love and self-acceptance can allow us to take pride in our bodies as they are, appreciate the work they do for us and our loved ones, and the resilience, adaptability and strength that we have as women. What is wrong with wrinkles and a warm soft round body? Each change in us tells a story. From laughter lines, crows’ feet, and for the lucky ones, maternity scars/marks. Signs of a life lived, life created, of being a woman, loving, loveable and loved.

In my wild swimming group, I aim to spread the word of self-love and self-acceptance, it's my ambition to inspire that in others. Maybe my disgruntlement with Madonna is based on my expectations and fears. I see Madonna, as a celebrity, who has a duty to other women. She holds the eye of the camera, she has a voice and the ability to speak for us. The words that are coming out of those perfectly puckered, filled lips are telling me that it is not ok to be who I am, that rather than shine, I am dull and invisible, and to make things better - I have to look young. She may as well sing her own cover of Eddie Cantor’s song herself.

While I expect and want Madonna to use her position of power to support and encourage women, in fact, her only duty is to her own truth. But what is her truth? Does she also have this fear of ageing and becoming invisible? Has she made these changes just to be seen? If she has, my heart goes out to her, she was always wonderful and beautiful just as she was.

Dear reader, you are amazing and wonderful and lovely, and you deserve all the love you can muster for yourself. Don’t worry, It will spill out to those you love in bucket loads.

Written by Helen Heggadon

Hi, my name is Helen Heggadon, I am 51, and I live in Devon with my husband. I work as a Customer Sales Advisor in a call centre for a telecare personal alarm company. I love writing, reading, wild swimming and encouraging women to love themselves. You can find your local wild swimming groups here: https://thebluetits.co/can-we-help/ or here https://www.outdoorswimmingsociety.com/ or google wild swimming for your area. I have lived a varied life with many different experiences, I hope I can express them well enough here to be interesting, funny, or enlightening.

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