31 Days: Zero Alcohol
Header image source: https://ledlightstation.com/
No booze for the whole of October. It was a feat I’d never attempted before. A path I’d never trodden. A challenge like no other (scrap that, that’s ridiculous). But, you get the picture. Up until this point I had never gone more than about a week without having a drink. So why bother?
I decided to because towards the end of September I felt pretty lethargic and sluggish, my energy levels were low and the morning after I’d had a drink (even one) I felt slothlike. That was when I had the bright idea of not drinking for a month. A month in a pandemic is quite a unique time to be doing it, and some might say easier as there’s less opportunity to go out and socialise. But, from chatting to friends and thinking about my drinking habits over the past few months, it’s likely that we’ve been drinking more regularly than normal. Having a drink helps create the cut off point between work time and free time, which is helpful when you might not have left the house that day. Anyway, my mind was made up - I was going to do it. It could be the challenge I set myself during the spare time. My version of becoming a master of sourdough loaves or learning Spanish, but less rewarding.
That’s not strictly true, it has been rewarding. Don’t get me wrong, I have missed it and I’ll go on to why in a bit, but I do think the main reward for me has been the chance to reflect on my relationship to alcohol. Something I noticed early on in the month was that I was apologetic about not drinking. When I was arranging to meet up with a friend for dinner I explained that I wouldn’t be drinking and followed up with ‘But I promise I won’t be boring, so please don’t cancel!’. The ‘please don’t cancel’ bit was obviously dramatic, I have lovely friends and they’d never do that. But, I stopped and thought how revealing it was. I was clearly identifying alcohol as a key component in making me fun and without it I might somehow change for the worse.
I also looked back at my life and how alcohol featured in it. I’m not proud to say that my school friends and I acquainted ourselves with alcohol from our mid teens (insert awkward face emoji). We took part in the standard practice of getting the oldest-looking one of us (never me) to go in and buy some alcohol - before ‘Challenge 25’ was a thing - for us to e.g. take to the house party. We had a great time with it, sometimes it made us ill, it gave us courage to talk to boys, we thought it made our dancing better etc. It was an early start but I realise that that’s not everyone’s experience.
Alcohol was a big part of my uni life, but I think that’s pretty standard. It helped me connect with great people, dance, relax and go on adventures. I think my relationship with it then was actually ok, probably helped hugely by the fact when you’re that young hangovers seem like something only old people moan about. I had no idea how lucky I was on that front! However, I learnt over the years that some of the people I went to uni with didn’t have an ok relationship with it. I found out that after we graduated, a friend of mine at the time was battling alcoholism. Another told me they’d stopped drinking and that at uni it really impacted their mental health. Drinking at uni for me felt manageable but for others, it just wasn’t the case. I wonder how many people struggle with alcohol at uni? And what an impossible environment to be in to admit it.
Since uni alcohol has been in my life in the usual ways and primarily a standard part of socialising. This might seem patently obvious but this has really hit home over the past 31 days. If you arrange to meet up with someone the go-to is for a drink. If you go out for a meal, you’ll most likely have alcohol with your food. Going for a coffee seems to be the only regular social plan that comes into play where alcohol isn’t involved. Again this goes back to the idea that alcohol and good times go hand in hand.
I asked my friend about what it was like when she was pregnant and not drinking when she was in social situations. She said ‘when you’re not drinking you observe other people’s interactions and you notice that people really let their guard down’. This idea of alcohol breaking through a barrier I think is so true. I consider myself a pretty open person and feel comfortable being honest about how I feel, but have I had those hilariously intense conversations saying how much I love my friend, reminiscing and making plans? Course I have. More seriously though, I also realised that if I’ve needed to have quite a heavy conversation with someone or hope that someone might open up about something then often I will wait to bring it up when there’s alcohol around. It sounds bleak but if I’m being honest, alcohol can help to navigate some tricky situations.
After all this reflection - how did it actually go? By a week or so I honestly got used to not drinking. I realised I was creating a new routine; picking other things to drink when out and about or at home. I managed to short-circuit the deep rooted habits that I’ve created over a number of years and create new ones. I have to say though, decent alcohol free drinks are a godsend. Some of it is pretty tasty (hello expensive booze-free gin, Guten Tag tasty booze-free German beer). I’ve also learnt that a lot of it is totally tasteless. Totally. But, whether tasty or tasteless, just the feel of holding a bottle of ‘beer’, adding a lemon wedge to your ‘G&T’ or sipping a mocktail, felt good. It felt familiar and I enjoyed the ritual of it. What else did I notice? Money. I realised how much money I saved (because I noted it down) and it was a hefty amount of just over £80. I reckon it would be a hell of a lot more if we weren’t in a pandemic and everywhere shut at 10pm.
I’m writing this on the 31st of October and tomorrow I’m going to have my first drink in a month. I’m looking forward to it. The fact it will give me a fuzzy feeling and that I might get the giggles quicker than I normally would. But, I’m not looking forward to the fact that I will feel dreadful on Monday (my body will have had a shock!). I’m actually also quite nervous about how my body will react and that I might feel out of control. I’ll just have to wait and see.
For me, drinking is fun but it’s not the thing that makes me fun. Do I now want to be t-total? Hell no. But will I be just a teeny bit more mindful about drinking? I hope so.
Cheers!
Header image source: https://ledlightstation.com/
Written by Charlotte Livingstone
Charlotte is a music obsessed south Londoner who loves dancing, crosswords, The Chase (too much) and getting out and about. She writes for a living as a Digital Content Editor and is loving being able to write for fun with The Everyday.