Knowing How To Say No to Work
Just out of a relaxing bubble bath, I curl up on the sofa, pull a blanket over me and start to watch a film. My phone pings. It’s a Whatsapp message. Seems innocent enough, so I open the message. It’s a message from someone slightly senior at work, asking if I would mind checking over a plan he has made for next week and sending him my feedback. A reasonable request, until I get to the end of the message where he states that he needs to send them off tomorrow morning. ‘If you could get back to me ASAP that’d be great.’ It’s 7.45pm, and my contracted hours are 8.20 until 4.
I don’t want to do the unofficial (and unpaid) over time - this sort of request is far from a one off. I could just pretend I never saw it. I’m not on call, there is no reason I should be looking at my work emails after hours. Then I remember it’s a Whatsapp message. He is online, he can see I’m online, and he knows I have read the message.
In normal (pre COVID) life, I work in a primary school. Thankfully, due to the hands on nature of the classroom, there is not too much work to be taken home. It’s manageable and that is just how I like it. I am generally quite lucky that outside of my working hours, I am not asked to do much and anything I do choose to do as extras, such as finding fun resources, is for the benefit of myself and the pupils- which is, of course, completely fine.
However, the position I find myself in, is a very lucky one and has taken six years of working in education to find a healthy work life balance. In scenarios such as the aforementioned out of hours Whatsapp message, there was a time that I would have felt as though I had to do it. I had been caught. I had read the message and if I didn’t reply, that would show that I didn’t care about my job or that I would be seen as unprofessional for not replying to someone senior. It is only now, from a point of experience that I feel confident enough to respond to such a request as following, ‘Hi, yes, sure. I’d be happy to look over it and send you my thoughts. Will get it to you by 9.30/10 tomorrow. Enjoy your evening.’ It’s hard at first. I remember the first few times, I would fret all evening that I would be met with a frosty atmosphere the next day. We are programmed to think that if we are not constantly ready to drop everything for our employers, that we will be seen as lazy. It’s not the case. Just as your employers would not expect you to be taking personal calls or replying to emails from friends whilst being paid to do your job, they need to remember (or be subtly reminded) that you should not be doing your job when you are not being paid. It’s that simple. I also take comfort in knowing that if there is an actual emergency, I will receive a call. That person will get hold of you.
I am not a tyrant that refuses to help out on very important, time sensitive tasks as a favour to an employee who would do the same for me, but MOST work emails, Whatsapp messages, Facebook messages and all the other communication channels we have opened up for ourselves, can, more often than not, wait until the next day when you are AT work, even if that is working from home. I am aware that I speak from a position that is on the whole, much less high profile and demanding than many, yet maintaining the space between work life and personal life is so important.
It is physically and mentally draining and unsustainable to be constantly hustling with no down time that is not focused on monetary gain. Like many people who work for themselves, I am acutely aware of the pressure on cabaret artists and performers to work continuously. In such industries, online self promotion is often vital, especially for performers new to the scene. The number of followers a performer has can influence how desirable they are to book. Sometimes the only way to get booked is to not only create a large following, but maintain interest by posting and sharing clips of your performances. This means many hours spent maintaining the interests of a fickle online audience who crave content, but it also means countless hours of unpaid admin work that goes on behind the scenes. Switching off from self promotion will dramatically lessen your chances of being booked, and as a result, you lose your income.
Internationally renowned cabaret artist, MisSa Blue, known amongst many things for being a professional sword swallower says life as an artist in the age of social media can get overwhelming. MisSa explained that for a contemporary performer, posting content on the internet is a way to visually update your skills, like a living, moving CV - and from that content you will receive job offers. She went on to liken the social media usage that performers are expected to keep up with to a full time job in itself. ‘It’s like having two full time jobs.’ Promotion and admin vs. creating and performing.
There is an unspoken fear and pressure on life outside of performing, that if you aren’t constantly promoting yourself or your brand, that you are not taking it seriously and maybe someone else deserves that booking more than you. MisSa became aware that this was getting out of hand and that it wasn’t as enjoyable as other aspects of her work so she decided to put some boundaries in place in order to make a change. ‘I started to understand that quality posts receive more attention and recognition than a large quantity of unimaginative or rushed posts.’ MisSa makes a timetable of when and what she will post online. This gives her time to plan and perfect quality photoshoots for her media outlets. Additionally, she creates a plan for each week noting the days she will post content, create new material and/or perform in the evening, and days off of everything where she focuses on her private life. Whilst her work is demanding and full on, with no clear hours, creating a clear schedule and recognising that working around the clock was not healthy for her, has enabled MisSa to create a work life balance that suits her needs.
I have tried to implement similar structures throughout my working life, in education, production and writing. The two rules I have found most effective are, creating a set of working hours that I try (as much as possible) to stick to, and to make sure that everyone involved is aware of those hours. The other is very simple. Since we can’t seem to cut ties with our phones (on varying levels), I turn off all notifications after working hours end and do not check them until the next day. This way, I can’t get sucked into a conversation about work or a request to ‘quickly’ do something out of hours. I check my work related emails, messages and texts within the hours that I am paid to do so.
Whilst some people unfortunately know exactly what they are doing, and are trying to get free labour - most of the time people aren’t actually thinking about you at all, or how their request will impact on your evening. They are thinking of themselves and what they need. By responding in such a way, you are just setting clear boundaries of what is and is not acceptable, which you are well within your rights to do.
Written by Amy Ridler
Alongside writing, Amy has worked in queer, feminist theatre & performance for the last 10 years and in education since 2014. She is currently studying for an MA in Creative Writing and lives in London.