Is It Weird To Have Religious Weddings And Funerals When We’re Not Religious?
I never really truly thought about the genuine origins of all these occasions that we celebrate such as a lavish wedding or a funeral: even some of the trademark events such as Thanksgiving and Lent are all part of various religious traditions. As an atheist and a part of a non Christian household, I felt like I only celebrated these events as a part of a normalised society that all encompasses these events as a part of the normal year.
When I was in school, there was a big emphasis on Christianity and learning about faiths such as Hinduism and Islam, so I was already aware at a young age of the importance of religion to a lot of people in the world. The Global Religious Landscape reported that 2.2 billion of the population are Christian, which equates to 32%. 23% are Muslim (1.6 billion), 15% Hindu (15%) and 7% Buddhist (500 million). Out of the entire population, 5.8 billion are religious in some form, so that means that even though we have a staggering amount of people that are not necessarily religious, we have a much larger influence of people within our changing world which are religious.
So, why are we celebrating their festivals even when we aren’t religious ourselves? I guess you could ask your parents. We would typically just go along with the majority and celebrate these occasions exactly as our relatives would. I have only actually attended one funeral, and I have only been to two weddings, one of which I attended when I was very young. I don’t really remember how we celebrated it besides my floral headband which I had kept in a box for several years, and a framed photograph of myself and my twin sister looking like we were more than amused with ourselves.
I would say that I think these celebrations, as much as they are a part of a bigger tradition, should be allowed to be celebrated exclusively with a wide range of people. A lot of special events such as Easter, Christmas, and Shrove Tuesday i.e Pancake Day are widely celebrated across the world and have Christian values at the centre of them. As we approach the Christmas period, we need to teach our friends and family that regardless of whether or not you are religious, the values are important.
It is okay to celebrate a holiday and not be religious. If you enjoy engaging with them because you genuinely enjoy them, then I don’t see why there is a problem. I also have seen a lot of things circulating about how to ‘celebrate’ these holidays, as I feel like certain holidays are definitely becoming a lot more commercialised, so these meanings are slowly getting lost.
My sister got married last year in the luxury of the Caribbean in Jamaica. She is not religious, but her husband is a Jehovah’s Witness, which in a nutshell, a form of Christianity that base their beliefs through the Bible, and reject sin in the secular world. They do not celebrate Christmas or Easter holidays due to the fact that the festivals are based on the pagan customs and religions, so it is quite interesting to comprehend the differences between the two, and how they have managed to keep to traditions but also how they haven’t.
When I was about 3 years old, my aunt and uncle married in a church, and it was extremely traditional and quaint. Both weddings were so different, but both managed to hold the values that they both so rightfully deserve- the love between two people. Whilst a church wedding shows us the good will and vows that constitutes towards a legal binding, the wedding in Jamaica also had vows but the marriage ceremony was held on a beautiful ledge right next to the sea, just not within a church. I felt that both ceremonies, whilst they were very different, but upended the process of marriage.
Many people now have humanist weddings, which are weddings that are much more flexible and personal than just attending a registry office. This option gives you the opportunity to have the wedding wherever you want, how or when you want. Every wedding and service is unique to that couple, and personalised so that it can bring value that is enjoyable, without the scripts that are usually required for a traditional church wedding. They also support same sex weddings. Incorporating a wide range of cultures into a service that isn’t tailored in one strict manner is becoming a way of normality.
They also now host humanist funeral and memorial ceremonies that support those who have died and celebrate the life that they led, and the relationships that person had crafted. The funeral I attended was a church service that was conducted in a formal manner that required a service with hymns and eulogies. I find that even though the person may not have been religious, a religious based service can be nice as a formal means of celebrating the life of the deceased. The ceremony reflects that of the person you are remembering, and not the religion that they are holding.
The main qualities that I have found to be successful within a service, and one of which I will have in mine in years to come, is a ceremony that portrays a level of love to the person’s partner and extended family or friends. The freedom to create a unique ceremony incorporating the traditions that you feel represents you is so important.
If you want a royal-esque wedding? Do it. Literature themed? Why not. If you want to say ‘I do’ but you don’t want to have the wedding to represent a religion that isn't necessarily a part of your identity, you can do that much more with ease now we are in the 21st century.
There are lots of pros and cons of having a religious wedding, as you want to be able to respect your partner and what they value, but you also want to be able to host something you know feels right for you. I feel like you could easily tailor having a party at home and then have a proper service. There is no correct way to host a service that will reflect the life of your loved one.
Written by Megan Evans
I am a 20 year old undergraduate student in my second year studying English Literature at Cardiff University. Writing has been an ambition of mine for many years, and I am hoping to pursue a career in journalism in the future, due to my undying love for magazine publications.
My plans for the future are to do an MA in Magazine Journalism after I finish my final year and I have recently been offered two amazing roles at multi-award winning publications at Cardiff University Media: advice columnist position for Gair Rhydd newspaper, and culture editor for Quench magazine. I am hoping to contribute regularly to this magazine alongside other commitments, because I value the opportunity to write particularly on topics that are typically understated.