Jaz's Life Philosophy
To impart life philosophy upon the world at 23 takes p***y indeed, but that's what I've been given the opportunity to do, so here goes, Jaz's life philosophies.
Take the opportunities that are given to you.
Unfortunately, life is a series of opportunities. I say unfortunately because it's anxiety-provoking to know that at every moment you can either stay where you are or move into the scary but exciting world of the unknown. The problem with staying still, is just that. Life doesn't change, and you get stuck. Where you are might be okay for now, it might even be great for the next year, but eventually, it will become what everything becomes when it doesn't change, boring.
With that in mind, when someone says "can/would you like to…?" and your gut reaction is 'ooo maybe', my 23 years has taught me that the 'ooo' is how you feel, and the maybe is your anxiety trying to ruin your life. So say ooo, and then say yes! The trick is to do it quickly and to not think about it. You don't even need to really mean it, you just need to say it as convincingly as possible. If you practice with the little opportunities now, it won't feel like such a leap to say yes when a big opportunity comes up. Which bring me to life philosophy number 2.
If wo(man) is a sum of her actions, then we are a sum of our day-to-day habits so…
Practice good habits
Practice being grateful even when you're not really feeling it. Practice exercising, even if you know your fitness is terrible at the moment. Practise loving yourself even if you hate yourself most days. Confidence is not something we're born with, you need to take the time to build the ability to be confident within yourself. It's exactly the same with having self-love, playing the piano, getting good at basketball or being top of the class.
Confident people take the opportunities they want, so practice being confident even if you aren't there yet. Say yes like you mean it, and with time, that 'ooo maybe' will become an automatic 'ooo yes!'. Nothing's usually as bad as we think it's going to be. Once your brain knows that saying yes to opportunities brings about good things (which you're going to have to trust me on) it won't be so nervous about doing it in the first place.
Just to be confusing, here's Jaz's life philosophy number 3.
Don't be a yes womxn/man.
Your energy is precious. It belongs to you, and it's the only thing you've got to make your life go the way you want it to. Do not waste time investing in people who don't invest in you. This goes for family members, friends, lovers, work colleagues, everyone. It's not about being selfish, and it doesn't mean that you don't care for/love certain people. It just means that you don't build up resentment by bending over backwards while other people can't be bothered to lift a finger. Let them do them, and you just do you.
When someone says "can/would you like to …?" and your gut reaction is "umm no" pay attention to that feeling and convey it in the most appropriate way possible. This leaves you time to say yes to things you really want to, and it also shows the world you have boundaries. This is especially important for young people. We're half terrorised into thinking that the job market is so dire (and it is abysmal) that we can't say no to a single request if we want to survive, or heaven forbid climb the ladder.
Not to be blunt, but you'll never survive, and you'll certainly never climb the ladder if you spend most of your time shovelling everyone else's sh*t.
People will take advantage of you if they feel like you're to going above and beyond for everyone all of the time. There's nothing wrong with some well-placed brown-nosing, and there's for sure a benefit to having people in high places owe you a favour. However, the minute it stops feeling like a favour and starts feeling like an expectation, they've stopped valuing you, and it's time to start saying no.
On the flip side, when you ask someone to do something, and they say no, don't take it personally. Wouldn't you rather someone rejected you than came just to make you happy?
Like my mum said, "(Jasmine) you are not the centre of the universe!"
To continue the confusion a bit more here's philosophy number 4.
Be the centre of your own universe.
The people who have main character energy all have one thing in common. They put their own needs and happiness first. Again, this is not selfish, and it should not come at the expense of supporting your community. This is where good self-esteem comes from. It comes from being enough for yourself. You can only be enough for yourself if you're looking after your own needs and working towards your own happiness.
By knowing who you are and what you need, you can communicate this to the people around you. This makes it easy for people to have a relationship with you because they know where they stand. People who don't get their happiness from themselves get happiness from other people. I'm talking from experience when I say finding your happiness in other people's approval is unfulfilling and emotionally turbulent.
It's tricky to explain, but you deserve to get to know yourself, to find out what's important to you and what drives you, to find out what kind of person you want to be. This all takes energy, and it also demands that you prioritise your needs and happiness.
With all this in mind, I'll leave you one last tip: my fifth and final life philosophy is...
Hold yourself accountable but be kind.
No one is responsible for your happiness but yourself. It's hard, but it's true, so when you do things that make you unhappy, call yourself out. When you people please, when you let an opportunity slip through your fingers, acknowledge that it's your responsibility to change your behaviour if you want to feel differently. This shouldn't be a harsh conversation; instead, it should go something like this...
"I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be successful according to my own definition, so next time I will use my energy to take the opportunity instead of worrying about what might go wrong."
Although I began this article saying that it's audacious for a 23 year old to hand out life wisdom, I have some final thoughts to divulge before humbly sitting down. The 5 life philosophies I've suggested are all 'self-focused'. This could be misinterpreted if I didn't also say…
Bonus Philosophy)
Above all, recognise that the only reason you are where you are is by other people's grace.
Every person who paved the way before you, took an interest in you, taught you, inspired you, the person who makes your coffee in the morning, the cleaner who hoovers your office space, without them, you couldn't do what you do. So, and this is my last life philosophy,
Be forever thankful to those around you and make sure you give credit where credit's due.
Written by Jasmine Khan
Jasmine Khan is a journalist, public speaker and mental health advocate. Having achieved a Masters in Global Ethics and Justice, she now hopes to use this knowledge to promote practical changes for social justice across the UK and beyond. Jasmine also runs bespoke mental health masterclasses, for inquiries please see @jazwritesjazspeaks