My Brilliant Friend: A Divisive Book, But Can You Get Behind It?
— Spoilers ahead —
I joined The Everyday a few months ago; my first article was published in May, and it was the best thing ever as I was in shambles mentally at the time. It provided me with a platform to write and stop shouting into the void about things I cared about, with a wonderful team who work super hard to make it all happen. I’ve also joined their book club, which made me give ‘Normal People’ a second chance (I know, I was one of those who weren’t a fan at the start and now can’t stop talking about that book), and this club also made it to another one of my reads: My Brilliant Friend, by Elena Ferrante. Who would have thought a book about friendship, that was so revered in the media would prove to be so incredibly divisive?
Me and a really good friend are essentially sisters from another mother, and we often love the same things, but this book nearly broke our friendship to pieces. For her it was very much an annoyance to read; it was long, lots of descriptions, and the friendship between Lenu and Lila was a no-no, while for me, normally quite similar in opinion, these things made the book really good. I loved the way Lenu described everything, as it made me really look inwardly and realize how I was similar to her in many ways. This included how I have been in a few toxic friendships throughout the years, but also made me realize how small minded worlds exist in our current society, and how what the girls go through in the ‘50s happens today in many places across the world. I felt very much that it explained my need to run as far away as possible, to really look for opportunities elsewhere because the place I came from didn’t offer them. I got a really good grasp of the time they lived in; even though it was set in Italy, far from my native country, it was so relatable and included details which my parents have told me about the way they grew up. It made me understand my grandparents’ relationship better, and why and how they did certain things that for me, being born in post-communist Romania, were fairly hard to understand.
I related to the girls’ friendship in weird ways, because Lenu (the main narrator) very much liked to be liked. She enjoyed being praised by Lila, and the others, and that is what made their friendship probably break down. But it is also what made them know each other better than anyone else. I loved how annoyed she was that Lila was ‘settling’, because I would be the same for my friends if I felt they left their potential unused. I’d probably scream, shout and fight even more than she did. I was sad with her when she kind of let herself go after Lila’s wedding; I would even dare say I was pretty annoyed and wanted to scream at her a little bit.
It’s a great story written in retrospect, but it is also so divisive in nature because it’s boring (especially at first), if you don’t relate to any of the characters. I related to their friendship, which was meant to transcend time and space as they were friends since they were born, but clearly it did not entirely transcend. Both girls grew to be different women, wanting something different from life, whether by choice or by somewhat force, in both cases. But they also looked at life differently from the perspective of what their families told them and how they were raised. This is a great analogy for how the world works: you see everything from many perspectives, and theirs was fairly limited by where they came from and the time they were raised in.
It also showcased quite well the lack of communication both among friends, but also within families at that time and, how that affected the way they were able to grow up and further communicate with people. Their mentality was so similar to the mentality of many people I grew up with, and I could completely understand how that can affect others. I was lucky that my parents tried hard to get out of that vicious cycle, but many don’t look at it as a bad thing and perpetuate this behaviour. On top of that, the way the girls acted with boys around them as well showcases the damaging behaviour which can be avoided if people talk directly about things which are normal to happen to you as you grow up. I think both in Lila and in Lenu’s case, their lives were heavily impacted by going or not going to school. Of course Lila, being such a bright student, was meant to stray away from the others who got the chance to go to school.
As much as she doesn’t necessarily show resentment, I felt it in the way Lila treated her best friend Lenu, and how much she challenged her to show that ‘you don’t need school’ to get up the ladder. This is also probably why she wishes so much to disappear, and eventually does in the end. She loves to think of a world without her, because what is the impact that she makes? She doesn’t feel that she has done enough, due to her unique circumstances to be present in this world. How many of us don’t have these thoughts? Especially in today’s world?
Of course, I have 3 more volumes to find out what exactly happened, but I do understand the divisiveness of this book. You can’t be team Lila or team Lenu because they are each flawed in their own way, and you can see their potential wasted because of the place and time they were both born in. And honestly, it’s so annoying to see that happen, but if we put it in perspective, it’s also a reality of today’s world - 70 years on. I think the reason this book is so revered in writer’s circles is because it captures this reality that we are often confronted with in today’s world in such a real and normal way that you can either relate to it, or have it annoy you to bits. I don’t see there being a middle ground with liking or disliking this book, and I think this is what makes it so good. It’s a very subtle way to annoy the reader without necessarily meaning to. But it is also probably why people the age of my parents are very into it, because they lived similar times and find it incredibly relatable, as if someone has narrated how they grew up, wherever in the world they might have lived in.
The beauty of book clubs and any book discussions is the fact that they make us challenge our preconceptions, but also our understanding of a book or the messaging of a book. This book has brought polarizing ideas together and has sparked amazing discussions in my group of friends, but also for The Everyday. This is why I think it’s such a good book to have read, regardless if you’re backing it up or not. Plus there is also a BBC series made of it, which probably portrays a lot of what the descriptions in the book look like better than my brain would. I liked and disliked this book at the same time, but it explained a lot of where myself and my parents come from come from, despite its setting in ‘50s Italy. It was a great showcase of friendship, love, growth and small mindedness, but also provided me with a better grasp of my roots. I completely back this book, at least volume 1 for now, as a worthwhile read, and as a novel worthwhile discussing with your friends.
Written by Andra Maier
Working in fashion teaches you a lot of things, but it leaves little space for creativity outside of work, because we are ‘always available’. Having a creative space is something important in my ‘switching off’ process, and writing comes easiest, especially in busy times. I love everything fashion and food related. If I am not found writing or scribbling, I am found reading the latest fiction releases, fan-girling over Harry Potter or some pretty shoes, and writing for my blog. Being able to express myself outside of work boundaries is freeing and incredible, and honing the creative spirit is one of the main resolutions I had for 2020.