Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Arrogant. Self-absorbed. Superior to others. Unique than others. Lacking in empathy. Manipulative. Patronising. Selfish. Exploitative. Demanding. An excessive need for admiration.
These are a few of the traits that Narcissistic individuals display. Even though it may not seem obvious as physical injuries, the consequences of being involved with a narcissist – regardless of whether they’re your partner, parent or family member – can be traumatic.
The personality disorder takes its name from a traditional character from a Greek myth – named Narcissus – who fell in love with his own reflection seeing it in a pond. Obsessed with himself, he reached for his reflection in the waters and, subsequently, drowned. Thus, the myth warns of dire consequences for self-absorbed and arrogant people such as narcissists.
Twenty years on into the millennium, it seems the personality disorder is on the rise. Or has it always been evident within certain individuals, and psychology has only started to scratch the surface.
One friend of mine, named Nazia (not her real name) experienced emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist. Three months into their relationship, he decides to break it off citing that she was too ‘clumsy’, her fainting episodes (which occurred due to stress) were too much ‘stress’ for him to handle and she wasn’t ‘established or accomplished enough’. For elaboration, my friend works as a school teacher at a grammar school – one of the best in the country.
Naturally, Nazia was devastated when the relationship abruptly ended and she came back to the rented property to find it completely empty; her belongings – including her lingerie and personal items – stashed away in black bin bags. It wasn’t only that – she blamed herself for the relationship ending.
I still remember her tear-stained face, wracking her knuckles against her temples; insisting that it was her fault the relationship ended. She shouldn’t have fainted. She shouldn’t have been clumsy. Sighing, I squeezed my arm around her and explained that being clumsy and fainting is part of being human. You cannot be at fault for doing these things.
However, it goes to show how lethal abuse at the hands of a narcissist can be. Like my friend, being involved with a narcissist can be fatal for the victim’s self-confidence, self-esteem – eroding away like the earth.
If self-confidence or self-esteem can be destroyed, remember the phoenix that bursts into flames but yet is resurrected. Like the phoenix, your self-confidence and self-esteem can come back; better, stronger and tougher. For my friend, she is in a happier position. Her pay went up which allowed her to apply for a mortgage and buy her own property. She launched many new businesses to deliver extra income on the side and is venturing on brand new projects.
For Nazia, it was an emotional and mental battle to believe in herself again. But she did.
So, for every person who suffered from narcissistic abuse, you’re a brave soul. You can clearly take more than you think you can. If you felt the narcissist has destroyed you and it is the end, remember the skies are always the darkest before the sun rises. You can do it. And you will.
Written by Aneka Chohan
Aneka works as a English teacher and as a freelance journalist based in West London. When she isn't writing or teaching, Aneka likes to pursue interests in arts, fashion, learning new languages, photography, and writing fictional stories and poetry.