The C Word: Self-Care at Christmas
OK, so the festivities are almost upon us. And for some, the excitement has already started. But for others, it’s ‘never mind the C-word, where’s the D-word?’
Dread.
We all know that Christmas can evoke so many emotions. Joy. Excitement. Love. Fun, laughter, sharing and caring. Time off work, food and frivolities and family and friends. But there can also be sadness, grief, loneliness and loss which often need a look-in.
Why? Because Christmas is just like any other time of year. Feelings come and go. Life is being lived and we’re all busy trying to navigate the Happy Ho! Ho! Ho-ing! which is otherwise fake.
When we give these ‘negative’ feelings some space – if only in our consciousness – we’re better placed to access all the ‘good stuff’ Christmas has to offer and access the kindness towards ourselves and others too.
Dialogue With Your Dread – Get It Out of Your Head
What parts of the festive season are you dreading this year? Is it the time you’ll be spending with family? Without family? With your partner’s family? The fear of being alone? The money you think you have to spend in order for it to be ‘good enough’? Or an entire list of ‘have-to-do’ stuff you’ve already stacked-up, with little or no time to achieve it all?
Sometimes, we’re so busy automatically pleasing others or habitually running those old, inner-programmes which make others a priority, that we forget we can also make space for our own needs, wants and desires.
Whatever it is that’s happening for you as you read this now, start dialoguing with it. Own it. Allow yourself to feel the feelings and write them down if you can.
Then, take a look at each ‘thing’ you are fearing or dreading or wish you hadn’t committed yourself to and write down the answers to these questions:
Why am I choosing to do this?
What’s in it for me?
What other possibilities are open to me?
Who am I doing this for?
What changes (however small) could make things a little better for me?
Notice what you are noticing. Who or what feels like it is already draining your energy? What might inspire you or leave you feeling more excited? How might it feel to change your plan and change your mind?
When we give ourselves permission to let go of how Christmas and the festive period should be (according to OPR – Other People’s Rules – or our own outdated T&Cs) and instead look at what would allow us to feel supported – or at least less overwhelmed – we are practising good self-care as well as role modelling for others to do the same.
What About YOU?
If you’re one of those people who doesn’t like to make plans, avoids thinking about Christmas too early or gets carried along with the tide of everyone else’s needs, never really knowing what you want, consider what it might be like to take some time to think about yourself this year.
What do you like to do? And who do you want to spend your time with? Perhaps it’s caring for loved ones. Volunteering some time, hosting a party or ensuring some spiritual space is made for quiet reflection.
Whatever You Decide, Know That You Matter
If you routinely say yes, no or I don’t know, then how about swapping some of those responses around this year?
Saying yes to something you would normally say no to or saying no to something you always say yes to can feel liberating and may open up opportunities to meet new people, experience new things or go to places you’ve not been before.
And if you often automatically feel pressured to RSVP with a yes to an invitation, how about giving yourself some time to pause and really check-in with yourself before you make that decision? Sometimes we feel obliged to say yes, or rude if we say no to people who are kindly extending their invites. However, it’s good to remember that you’re not really rejecting them, you’re prioritising you.
Your Right to Choose Means That You’re Right To Choose
Whatever your circumstances, you always have the right to choose what’s best for you, whether that includes other people or not. Self-care might sometimes mean choosing not to be with people who may harm us, physically, mentally or emotionally. And if that means letting someone else down in order to prioritise our own needs, that’s always okay.
I’m reminded at this time of the wonderful quote used in many Twelve Step Programmes. ‘What other people think of me is none of my business’ which is so beautifully true, however, sometimes difficult to remember or even live day-by-day, in practice. We can be fearful of choosing what’s best for us or saying what we need, even when we already know what that is! The good old friend called ‘wanting approval’ or that badgering-belief that any kind of connection – whether harmful or not – will be better than choosing change, or that ‘something yet unknown’.
The road to oneself can be lonely sometimes and Christmas is no exception. But there’s always another option of course…which is to consciously sit back and see what appears along your path this Christmas, mindfully choosing as let go of your plan!
One thing for sure is that starting to care for yourself first means that whatever energy is left over, will be more freely and lovingly available to distribute and share with those that you love.
Feeding yourself first and filling your own cup means you’ll always have more to give others, without the compulsive need for obligation, running down a road of raging-resentment or feeling fragmented from further frustration.
Remember, Your Authentic Life Matters!
If you want to read more tips and tricks for self-care this Christmas with links to other support available, see How to remember your-self in the rush to slow down this Christmas
Written by Sarah Thayer
Sarah is a Transformational Coach and developing Writer who helps individuals and organisations to slow down, transform past patterns and live more authentically in life, in business, and in all their relationships.
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