Ataxia Part Six: The Walk
Sol had left with Mike to go to the hospital an hour ago. Alfie stood before a large oak door, Terry at his side. He thought about the night prior, how Sol had fallen down the stairs, scraping her hand on the almost lethal aertex.
They’d taken it as a sign her ataxia was getting worse, so she’d have to stay at the hospital till the house converted to be disability friendly. Alfie wondered if that included the removal of the aertex. He wondered if this would push his dad into gear. It certainly had him. The moment they’d left he’d snatched the lead and practically pulled Terry on the forty-minute walk to the door he stood before. As he’d walked up the path towards the small annex, he could smell two stroke oil wafting from the garage up the road, the familiar sight of the garden he spent hours in painting and drawing with her on evenings after school. He wondered if his best work had been confined to this small patch of grass in the sunlight.
Now he stood before the oak door, round the back, like he’d done hundreds of times before. He took a deep breath and slammed the door knocker hard, three times. Before he could complete the melody with the customary final two thumps the door swung open, revealing Hafsa peering round the door.
“Hello Alfie.” she beamed.
“Hiya Hafsa. Is Ameerah in?”
Hafsa turned and bellowed up the stairs in Urdu “Ameerah your Alfie is here!”
“Mama he isn’t ‘my Alfie’. Stop!” Ameerah replied in Urdu thundering down the stairs. Hafsa smiled and turned going into the long hallway into the house. Ameerah appeared and leant against the doorway; Terry made his presence known by leaping up to Ameerah who fondly rubbed under his chin. “Hey Alf. What are you doing here?”
“Was just wondering if you wanted to come on the walk.”
“Long walk to get here.”
“Is it? I didn’t notice.” Alfie smiled and shuffled abashedly. Ameerah watched him squirm under her gaze. Clearly, he had something to say.
“Why?” She asked.
“I love you.” Alfie said plainly, casually almost.
The screen door swung open dragging soggily across the wet carpet. Mike ambled in through the doorway oblivious to the squelch underfoot. He threw the keys instinctively towards the table however they were intercepted by a bathtub. Mike looked down to the dirty water within the tub, his house keys slowly sinking to the bottom, then up to the hole where the ceiling used to be.
“Alfie slow down. What the fuck was that?” Ameerah stormed after Alfie. His stride leisurely along the cobbled path. The trees stood in colonnade fashion along the dry-stone wall breaking the evening sun into long beams. “It’s just an odd time to tell me you love me. You know that right?” Ameerah finally caught up to Alfie and pulled him back.
“Yeah, I’m aware. Can we keep going?” Alfie said plainly. Shrugging her away and still walking up the hill.
“How?”
“One foot in front of the another.”
Ameerah glared at Alfie refusing to move. Terry darted back, from his excavations into the woods, stopping halfway between the two, looking at Ameerah head cocked to one side.
“Just stop for a second! I shouldn’t have come out.” Ameerah called to Alfie.
“But you did.” Alfie said without even turning around.
“More to get you to shut up. I’m sorry. I’m getting married in a week Alf.” Ameerah said choking on the words slightly. “I’m sorry about everything.”
“Don’t need to be sorry.”
“I’m sorry cause you’re being insane. What did you expect to happen?”
“What?”
“Look” Ameerah took a deep breath. “Let me say this. I appreciate this crazy romantic gesture for what it is. But I can’t believe you really love me, maybe you do but—"
“I do.”
“Well, in that case I’m deeply honored. And I have love for you, Alf. Saying this now though, doesn’t it seem a bit late. You’ve never even tried to show any sign of it.” Ameerah protected herself with her hands. “That doesn’t mean you should do now. I just mean it’s all just out of the blue. I don’t know how to even start to respond to it.”
Alfie stood motionless a few feet away from her. “Let’s just walk” he said. They started walking again, Terry shot into the undergrowth.
“How did you expect me to react Alf? What was your plan?” Ameerah asked softly.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never done this before so I couldn’t tell you what to expect.”
“I’m not going to just throw myself into your arms and we’d run off happily.”
“That would be nice.” Alfie laughed.
“Sorry to disappoint you.” she said kindly.
“I’m not disappointed. How could I be?” he smiled sadly.
Ameerah stopped and looked Alfie up and down. “You know what happens next?” Alfie nodded. “we hug and we go home and go home as friends. That’s what happens next.”
“Ok. Just remember I said I loved you when all is said and done.”
Ameerah turned away suddenly. “You have no right- “
“I had to say it.”
“If I’d loved you,” she said, “I would have let you know before now.”
“You would?”
“Of fucking course! You would’ve known.” Ameerah shouted.
“How?”
“You should’ve known.” Ameerah blurted quietly then winced. Alfie closed the distance between them he looked closely at her brown eyes. He’d never seen eyes glow the way hers did, now with such pain and rage at all his actions. He took her hand in his, she didn’t flinch. Then, he kissed her. The evening light spilling along their sides.
Ameerah sat under a tree, Terry in her lap soaking the sun. Alfie sat to her right on the bend of the tree. Ameerah looked down into the woods from their seat. “What did you expect to happen Alfie?”
“I keep telling you. I have no clue what’s going to happen next.” Alfie spoke absently to cover his shyness. He spoke without weight or expectation, happy in this moment against these trees not wishing it to spoil.
“What happens next is, we say goodbye. I’m not sorry we kissed. I hope you understand why you’re no longer invited to the wedding.” Ameerah smiled.
“That seems fair to me.” Alfie admitted.
Ameerah reached her hand out round the tree taking his.
“What’s his name?” Alfie asked.
“David.”
“I mean his full name.”
“Why?”
“I want to know what everyone will be calling you.”
“Ameerah. Same as always.” Ameerah replied calmly.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t be getting married if I didn’t.” She laughed.
“What do you love about him.”
“Honestly, Alf. Are you doing this as some sort of masochism?” She smiled broadly laughing away Alfie’s angst. “Lots of things. Lots of reasons to love him and there are lots of reasons to hate him. He is after all going to be my husband. I don’t have to argue his merits with you just so you can beat yourself up over it.”
“Sorry.”
Ameerah leaned round the tree and turned Alfie’s head towards hers and kissed him. This time because she wanted to.
“I have to go back.” Ameerah whispered.
“Is that goodbye then.”
“Every time I go to say it, we seem to kiss. So, I won’t try this time.”
Ameerah leaned back into the tree resting her head on Alfie’s shoulder as the suns warm light acted as a hazy orange blanket for the two of them. She closed her eyes gently stroking Terry’s ears between the folds of her sun dress. The two slowly fell asleep in the glow. In the distance a car started then stalled, then stalled again. They slept for an hour: boy, woman and dog.
Ameerah woke first. She got up and knelt by Alfie. The warm summer sun now safely gone replaced by a cold evening chill that preceded night.
“Alf?” Ameerah shook Alfie awake. He stirred and looked blearily at her. The gloom around them creeping more and more. “I l-” she hesitated then thought better of it “It’s late.”
“-Hi Ameerah.”
“Hi Alf.”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
“Too late.” He said.
“Too late.” She said. “Go home Alf.”
“I will.”
“I’m sorry for everything.”
Ameerah began walking down the hill. Alfie, chasing after her, managed to get ahead of her and stop her.
“Marry me Ameerah?” he declared.
“No.”
Written by George Trueman
I am a 20-year-old poet & writer from Bradford. Originally wanting to join politics, I pivoted to create art as it was the quickest way for me to express my thoughts and feelings about complex matters in a succinct and confident way.
