I Was Treated Like A Burden By My Workplace When I Announced My Pregnancy: A Dive Into The Workplace & Maternity Leave
Disclaimer - The following is a combined account of experiences of myself and other colleagues
First thing Monday morning, I found myself sitting scared and unsure of myself in my boss’s office. It was our usual catch-up meeting to discuss business matters for the day and week ahead. I rehearsed my lines for what seemed to be the fifteenth time. ’ I have some news (pause) I am expecting a baby…’
“Are you with me ? Is everything ok?” my boss’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Errrrr there’s something I need to tell you, I am pregnant” I blurted out, staring at my hands on my lap. I felt like a child who was caught eating candy. I sat there feeling guilty for a moment of my life that should have been full of happiness and excitement. But, alas, it was just the opposite. My boss dropped his pen on the desk and stood up immediately. For a few seconds his face morphed into an ugly grimace but then his politically correct demeanour was back. He said ”congratulations" with a big smile. He then started fiddling with his phone and mumbled something along the lines of him needing to attend an meeting. I took the hint and left the room. I felt as if I was an outsider in my own workplace. A workplace that I gave my all to. I had only just shared my news and I was already feeling like an alien.
Soon after, I began telling all the key team members about my pregnancy. They were happy for me on the outside. Nobody said anything that was nasty as such but I couldn’t help but feel negative vibes from some colleagues . But was I overthinking this?
A month or so passed uneventfully. And then came that day that I will not forget, a day where I was truly made to feel I did not belong. I had just returned to my desk after a quick lunch and saw that there was nobody on the office floor. Where is everyone? I wondered. Am I missing something here? I tried calling a couple of my colleagues but nobody was answering the phone. Then after about an hour or so my whole team sauntered in the midst of what appeared to be a very animated discussion.
“Where were you guys?” I asked them.
”Oh we were at the meeting.” they replied. “Weren’t you invited? I thought it was in your diary.”
“ Oh no, it wasn’t”, I said trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.
”Oh well, it doesn't matter now, does it? Because you’re going to be going away on leave anyway.” said one of my senior colleagues.
That comment was like a slap on my face. I was shocked but before I could even say anything else another colleague added “ It’s good that you didn’t come, because the stress is not good for the baby right?”. I was lost for words. I did not know what to do. I mean I was the HR manager after all. Who could I speak to? No-one.
In hindsight now, I feel there were so many instances that made me cringe and feel uncomfortable. However, at that point I managed to not dwell too much on them. I just got on with it. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
Another instance that comes to mind is when I was submitting some data to the payroll department and I forgot to add a couple of rows on the excel sheet. The first response that I got from the payroll manager was “Brain fog? “. This error could have happened with anyone at any time and they felt the need to bring up my pregnancy and attribute my error to it. Closely associated with this, was the fact that my views were easily dismissed and not taken seriously at all. As my colleague had said after the meeting, the consensus was all the same “it didn’t matter as you’re not going to be around soon anyway.” I was kept out of social gatherings like after - work drinks. Yes, I couldn’t drink. But I could still attend. It may sound trivial but these social events are important; it’s where bonds are formed, and, so often, work decisions are made out of office.
As I entered the third trimester I started showing quite prominently. A constant reminder to my colleagues that I would be soon leaving on maternity leave. I was asked many times about whether I was planning to return to work after mat leave. I would always say yes to that. ”Everyone says yes now but just one or two really come back “ My boss’s words stung me. I let that pass too.
I was under constant pressure to find maternity cover for myself and this whole process was really stressful because nobody that I chose was liked by my boss or wanted to stay. It was really difficult. In the midst of this, I had to chase management to sort out my maternity leave letter and finalise dates so that I could then plan to exit. I was not given anything until the very end. There was no talk about the future, no discussion about keeping in touch. I remember feeling so unwanted and alone. On my last day I remember sitting at my desk waiting for 5.30pm. The goodbyes were almost muted. But then I felt my baby kick. I can do this. I will do this. For me, for us.
I walked out of that big brown door. The same door that welcomed me every day seemed to appear cold and unforgiving now. Little did I know that I had quite literally shut the door on this chapter of my life.
It was only much later that I found out that I was not alone.
I had convinced myself that these comments and interactions were nothing; if anything they were my fault because I was overthinking it. But the more time that passes, the more I realise I was right to feel dismissed. And it's not just something that happened at my workplace, but in workplaces all over the world.
Research by Pregnant Then Screwed found that over half of all mothers - 52% - have faced some form of discrimination when pregnant, on maternity leave or when they returned. 1 in 5 mothers have left their job following a negative or discriminatory experience. And, disgustingly, 1 in every 61 pregnant women say their boss suggested they terminate their pregnancy.
The truth is, in so many cases, you are made to feel like a major inconvenience for becoming pregnant. As if in the act of becoming pregnant, you become a burden to the company and are no longer valued, but an issue to be navigated.
Pregnancies are a fact of life. People start families every day. And yet women's careers so often feel like the price to pay when it comes to this decision. Something needs to change - both within policy and, crucially, within the way pregnant women are treated at work.
Written by Snehal Amembal
I am a freelance writer, editor and poet based in Surrey (UK). I currently freelance with Business Insider, Her View From Home and Motherly. My writing primarily reflects my motherhood journey, memories of my childhood and the essence of everyday moments which I record in my FB blog ‘ Notes On The Go’. I also review books authored by writers of South Asian heritage on my blog Desi Lekh.
I have authored three chapbooks, ‘Pause’, ‘I Am’ and ‘In Between Love' . My work has appeared in anthologies as well as in literary zines. I worked as an Editor with Daily Life Magazine for 1.5 y (2020 - 2021). You can take a look at my work here https://linktr.ee/mommy.snippets
Finally, I am a Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease (YOPD) warrior and create awareness about the condition through my writing. You can find me on Instagram: @mommy.snippets
