Repairing Burnout with Horror Fiction
Perhaps the most common response I get when I tell people what my degree is revolves around how I must really enjoy reading. A dual degree in English Literature and History is extremely heavy on reading, there’s no lie in that, and for the most part, I’ve enjoyed practically every text I’ve had to comb through, whether it’s the Gawain poet, Shakespeare, or even Twilight (I know, this one will always baffle me).
This being said, I have seriously struggled to read for my own enjoyment for the last four years. There’s this warped sense of guilt that you get when you pick up a book you’ve been wanting to read when you know there’s a paper you need to write and you should probably reread that one text another time to get the most out of it. That, or sometimes, I’m just burnt out on reading. My thesis was on Dungeons and Dragons, which was a dream and a half, but I don’t think I’ve ever reread Curse of Strahd that many times back to back, and I’m in serious need of a Dungeons and Dragons break for the time being. All this being said, I am currently writing this article the day before my final essay for my undergraduate degree is due, and all I can think about is the pile of books I can enjoy guilt-free starting tomorrow.
I have always been a massive horror lover, but unfortunately, I haven’t been able to take all that many horror modules during my degree. So, my aim this summer is mainly to work through all the classics I haven’t had the chance to read. First on the list is We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. I’ve already started this one, but it’s just been that book that’s loomed over me for years now, and I haven’t had the chance to truly start it. And, because of this, I haven’t let myself watch the movie either. So far, I’ve adored the presentation of the story. Reflective letters of bitterness and regret, with plenty of retrospective reflection on what it is to be a woman, and what it can mean to be a mother. I’m only 100 pages in, but I have a feeling I’ll fly through this one. Another book on my must-read horror list is American Psycho, yet another classic that has been sitting on my bedside table for literal years, begging to be read.
This feels like the right moment to perhaps pause, and explain why I’m picking these books. I’m sure you’ve noticed the steady stream of horror literature, and if you’ve been cheeky and glanced down the article for other titles you’ll see the list continues. For me, I have always leaned towards horror due to its capability to make me feel something. Of course, I read romance, I feel love, and so on and so forth, but horror has been the truest emotive genre for me. If I’m sad, romance becomes bitter, it pulls my heart in the wrong place, causing even more tears. Comedy when I’m angry feels like a mockery of my emotions.
Horror, on the other hand, frightens sadness away, like a shock of electricity that brings you to attention. For me, horror is my roller coaster ride in paper format. I tend to drift back towards horror when I’m feeling emotionally drained, sad, you get the idea, and who would've known that finishing a four-year-long bachelors degree could leave you so mentally drained? I have a sneaky feeling this is why I’m finding myself circling back to horror again and again.
But back on track. We Need To Talk About Kevin and American Psycho, top of my list for the start of summer. These books fall a little more on the classic side, so some more recent publications I’ve bought and are also sitting waiting to be read are Bear Town, The Thursday Murder Club, and The Dangers of Smoking in Bed. I’ve heard endless good things about Bear Town, crime fiction in harsh cold and hockey sticks, that in itself feels like it’ll shape into something explosive. The Thursday Murder Club has been sitting on my list for what has begun to feel like forever, but there’s something incredibly daunting about a massive hardback text when you’re barely making it through short stories.
On the topic of short stories, if I had a euro for every time I was told to read The Dangers of Smoking in Bed, I would probably buy a second copy. In all seriousness though, I was immediately drawn in by the cover (I know, I know, shame on me) but since buying it I’ve been told numerous times it would be a good collection for me. If that’s a compliment or an insult, I’m still to find out.
Now, as much as I’m excited to read for fun this summer, I can’t deny that I’m already starting to preemptively miss reading some really funky academic papers. Since I know I’m still going to be in need of the academic fix, I’m planning on pulling out some of my journals I’ve pulled sources from before and had that “oh my god this is so interesting but just not relevant at all to what I’m writing on” reaction. Top of this list is without a doubt Sleeping with the Lights On by Dr Darryl Jones. This work was fundamental to my deep dive into vampires, but Jones has so many incredible points on how we write and perceive zombies too which I just need an excuse to read.
I won’t waste anyone’s time complaining about how covid stole away my college years, we’ve all heard that one before. There is no denying the extreme burnout moving entirely online caused though, with endless hours in front of a screen and scanning through digital texts until my eyes had gone as dry as paper. I’m excited to try to reverse some of that serious burnout this summer, through my tried and true method of horror consumption. Outside of the burnout, I’m hoping it helps me process exactly how I’m feeling to have finished my degree. There’s a strange bitterness, a resentment that I couldn’t afford to double down straight into a masters, but also an overwhelming relief I feel guilty to admit.
Written by Meghan Flood
Hi there, I'm Meghan (she/her), and I'm an English Literature and History graduate from Trinity College Dublin. When I'm not playing video games or reading, I like to write about culture, gaming, and everything in between. I've written articles on indie gaming, political art, and how nostalgia affects our experiences in gaming. I'm also a freelance artist and graphic designer!
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