The Rise of The Good Girl: Why Romantasy is One of the Fastest Growing Genres
Picture the scene (or don’t, you may end up feeling uncomfortable very quickly.)
I am seventeen years old, in a heated moment. His parents are out. Clean Bandit is probably playing in the background. I have a fringe. My boyfriend at the time leans forward and whispers in my ear, “tell me what you want me to do…” Blind panic ensues.
I am sure he is hoping that my mind is currently skimming through a montage of increasingly filthy fantasies. That is not what is happening. There is nothing in my head. Literal nothing. A vast never-ending darkness.
I flick through the limited mental sexual encyclopaedia available to me. There is a Tumblr gif I furtively saved (a black and white image of a man, I don’t know, thrusting?) and…well, just what I’ve seen on the TV.
I think of the films I have watched. Couples coming home from a date, a desperate pause, and then he pushes her against the wall - hard - and kisses her. Or, similar. They’re in an office. He sweeps his important businessy business things off the desk, and pushes her on to the surface - hard - and kisses her.
I weigh up the odds. I could tell him the truth - a blank stare and a limp “I don’t really know” - or I could just use this word now framing itself on my lips. I decide the latter.
“Rough.” I tell him. “I would like it rough.”
Brilliant.
There are multiple issues here. The first one being the fringe. But, the other one that seems glaringly obvious to me now is that I felt unable to express the truth. It had nothing to do with him. It was all me. I felt such insane pressure to be exciting, and to excite. I wanted to say something that felt sexy. And the only sexy option available to me was “rough.”
The second issue was that I felt like I was suddenly talking a different language. I truly didn’t have the vocabulary, or knowledge, to feel I could ever really fantasise about something, which made me sad, stressed, and unable to really take joy in the question. Not really great for either of us.
A bit of hair-pulling goes a long way, but was that really what I (said in husky tones) wanted? Not really. I just didn’t know what my options were.
Now, obviously a lot of this was due to my age and inexperience, but, honestly, this viewpoint didn’t massively change as time went on.
Because - really - how do you figure out what does it for you, if you don’t know where to start? Blind luck? Maybe. A sexual Yoda who stumbles into your life? We can only pray.
Yes, I was having sex - and having a great time. But I wanted *fantasies*.
And, THIS, kind reader, is where Romantasy comes in.
Why? Well, men have porn. Women? Women have Romantasy.
Before we dive in, let me give you the stats. According to market researcher Circana, Romantasy is now one of the fastest-growing genres, increasing by 42% from 2022 to 2023. Not only that, it absolutely dominates TikTok with it being a massive focus of the largest community on the platform, with over 243bn views under #booktok. In fact, Lovehoney has reported that searches for 'smut books' have increased by a whopping 78% in the past year alone.
And then there’s the anecdotal evidence. I work in a Boudoir studio which means I have a lot of open conversations with a lot of women, from the age of 20 to 80, about body confidence, intimacy and sex. I cannot begin to tell you how many of these women reference Romantasy, and the joy it brings them.
Then there are my friends, and other people too. We have Facebook chats dedicated to the topic. I know someone who has a Romantasy tattoo. I have had strangers come up to me in a cafe and initiate a conversation with me purely because I was reading A Court of Thorn and Roses by Sarah J. Maas.
So, why, you may be asking, are we all going SO mad for it?
How does something that starts off feeling like a Sarah J.Maas pyramid scheme become such a fully-fleshed community?
One word. Awakening.
Remember the scene I awkwardly immersed you in at the beginning? Compare it to this. I was at drinks with some friends last Christmas and a female friend - also a lover of Romantasy - happily shared that she has realised she has a “Praise Kink.” (Two words. Good girl.) Another friend told me that her and boyfriend had been re-enacting some of the scenes from her favourite books.
No, these books are absolutely not literary masterpieces - but they are normalising the conversation around female pleasure and they are showing us options outside of “yes, harder." They are bringing the female gaze into sex, and inviting us to explore what we may or may not like.
Because it really is an education. There are books on every fantasy you can imagine; enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, power dynamics, forced proximity, forbidden love, second chance, reverse harem… The list well and truly goes on.
And then there are the tropes that we all swoon for. The inevitable moment where the two characters turn up at an inn and - gasp - there is only one bed. (What ever shall they do?) His eyes darkening. The overuse of the word ‘growl’. The equally swoon-worthy, “who did this to you”. Or the fact that, inexplicably, there is always a scene where a woman just has to wear a dress that has both a space for her dagger…and gives her great cleavage.
It’s not about taking these scenes literally, but women are learning what turns them on and, in turn, bringing this knowledge to their relationships and inner world. For example, take a look at these “book boyfriend” challenges and the obvious impact it has on the women.
But, most important, outside of relationships and sex lives too, it is giving women the ability - and permission to explore sexual joy within themselves. Beforehand, the vocabulary felt very much like it was coming from a man’s world; the sexual fantasies were borrowed from their desires. Of course, we still want to hear those, and there absolutely is overlap. But now we get to exist in our own sexual daydreams. The Female Gaze is becoming a crisper and clearer vision as time goes on - and it is delightful.
And it’s not just younger women. As I mentioned, I talk to women in the Boudoir studio who are 60, 70+ and it has absolutely shifted their sexual inner world too, or helped them reconnect with that part of themselves.
Obviously there are issues. Just like with porn, it can establish unrealistic expectations and pressure on men. (It’s not their fault they can’t grow wings). Also there is an uncomfortable blurring of worlds between Romantasy and Young Adult fiction that needs to be addressed. Many of the booktok books (less so Fantasy) have bright colour, saccharine, front covers that make no illusion to the pure filth inside. Or, indeed, some of the spiciest sex scenes come later on in series that begin as Young Adult fiction.
I’m not saying that teenagers shouldn’t be aware of sexual pleasure, but context is really needed. There are plenty of scenes that are really make you spit out your drink. Lines like “shut up and ride me” for example. (Romance.) Now, as an older reader, hopefully you can enjoy the hot power dynamic whilst knowing this sort of language is something that is built upon a trusting, kind relationship beneath the intimacy. But, as a teenager, you may just feel - much like I said at the beginning - that you need to become okay with insults and roughness as part of being a sexy, desirable human. Or that someone talking to you like that, without your consent, is okay and just part of life. Which it obviously isn’t.
Again, just like the unnerving corners of the porn world, there are also dark fantasies - things like gang rape, kidnap, knife play. Or even just problematic relationships, like boss and employee scenes, or forbidden love between someone you really shouldn’t want. Sex and relationship psychologist, Esther Perel, puts it nicely when she says that often sexual fantasies don’t always align with ‘political correctness” but, having said that, it’s not necessarily the introduction you want a fifteen year old to have to the world of sex.
However having said all of that, and really genuinely agreeing with the fact the genre has its flaws, I am reminded every day, working in the industry that I do, of the joy it is bringing women. I love how it de-sensationalises sex and allows women to have very open, joyful, conversations, I love how it develops an understanding between a woman and her own sexual inner-world, and I love how it gives a language to women who may have previously been lacking. And I fucking love Cassian and Nesta (the girls who get it, get it.)
Written by Jessica Blackwell
I’m Jess, the founder of The Everyday Magazine. I work as a Studio Manager for a Boudoir Photography studio and, as a general rule, I like to write about things that would be awkward to discuss with the family.
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