How to Practise Gratitude
When I think about the term ‘gratitude’, a whole host of emotions brew to my mind. As a collective, I think we have all been somewhat affected by the drastic actions taken by governments and institutions alike to try and tackle COVID-19. Even without this pandemic taking away such simple pleasures that we once took for granted, we have all missed opportunities to fully embrace gratitude in all its glory.
The Harvard Medical School summarised gratitude as ‘a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives … As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals–whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”
I also stumbled across an amazing quotation written by Oprah Winfrey, who stated "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
I recently bought a gratitude journal, as my nervous and anxious mindset has started trickling into my enjoyment of everyday living, and I wanted somewhere to have all my collated positive energies in the comfort of one place. With this constant buzz of a phone bombarding you with advertisements and notifications from various platforms, it can be much more difficult to live in the moment and embrace life. Imagine the simplicity of day to day living without social media? How much more could we appreciate moments, without trying to fulfil this need to post what you are doing all the time? How much better would our self-esteems be if we did not have beauty influencers that dictate what ‘beauty’ looks like?
A lesson I was taught to appreciate and be grateful within our climate, is time. We have had a lot of missed opportunities to have fun with our friends, visited extended family and act as carefree as possible, whether that be me drunkenly stumbling into a university friends’ household after a boozy night out. That does not say that we will not have these incredible feelings again, just because of the pandemic, and even if it is a long time before we embrace these beautiful emotions again, we must be grateful that we at least, have these memories that we can reflect on.
As of the time in writing, we have lost just under 100,000 souls to the horrendous disease. I am inspired quite often, through the voices of those who have not only lost members within their support circle, whether that be a friend or a family member, but those who have embraced living each day to the fullest, even when their mind was not in that place to do so.
I unfortunately lost my Grandpa, not to COVID-19, but a severe stroke. My father and mother were able to see him 2 days before his fall, very much alive and happy. He lived alone with his Hungarian Vizsla in the picturesque village known as Hamble-le-Rice, situated just on the outskirts of Southampton.
He had such a fulfilling life, one in which my dad conjures fond memories quite regularly about his childhood, and his amazing academic achievements. I found out that he had been offered a place at Cambridge University to study Mathematics a year before his peers but decided to study medicine at Guy's Hospital (which is now a part of King's College University). Not only this, but he holds another degree at Battersea (University of Surrey now) in Biomedical Engineering, has a medical Doctorate and wrote a book on back pain. He has also raised 5 children, one being my father, in outstanding careers from teaching, to nursing, law, to owning a record label in the heart of London.
I think I resonate with gratitude strongly from this story, because I could not see him before he died. I was not able to tell him how much I loved him and appreciated everything he had done for me in his life, from the fun times hosting gatherings in the garden, to outings alongside the harbour, buying me and my siblings ice-creams. He even continued to be as chirpy as he could, even after losing my step-grandma a few years prior. Amidst a pandemic, it is extremely difficult to see your older grandparents, as much as you want to. I had not seen my grandfather in a little over a year, due to university commitments, and working part- time. The guilt I felt when I was made aware of the passing, was one of utmost shock and disappointment. I then felt more guilty for struggling so much with keeping the positive momentum, as his life had gone, but mine is just beginning.
‘Why would you feel so negative, when you can look at the positives that he has achieved in his life?’ That is something I will firmly hold onto, but grief is never easy. I had to grieve on my own, away from my family, and away from university friends that I would see in the odd lecture or two, due to the online learning we were now faced with.
The reason I came together after falling into a trap of surrounding myself with so much negative energy, which as a result made my overall well-being extremely low, was having a more grateful outlook. I was fortunate to have had him alive for 20 years of my life, some people are not as lucky to have had that time. I see a lot of my eagerness to push myself, and hard-working work ethic and thirst to learn more, through his legacy. Whilst I try not to compare with others, as this can cause a pathway of jealousy, it is not always easy to achieve.
In psychological terms, social comparison theory, which was established by Leon Festinger suggests that people have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, in comparison to others and thereby making judgements, which can cause motivations to improve, but also feelings that portraits feelings of dissatisfaction, guilt and engaging in destructive behaviours such as disordered eating.
I can definitely relate to this, which is why I have set a timer on Instagram, so I cannot physically access the app, as I find myself mindlessly scrolling, and getting absolutely nothing done, which creates this draining cycle of feeling bad about not doing anything mildly successful but doing fuck all about it.
A time of uncertainty and confusion stems a trial and tribulations of mental health issues. We are facing a world that we, quite frankly, have not experienced before.
Practising gratitude, instead of turning outwardly negative towards a world that has stripped away the live concerts, the clubs, the sit-down meals with a group of friends, the travelling abroad to various exotic locations, is difficult, but then is it?
‘If we stopped complaining about what we cannot do, we could get more done’, a wise man in my life told me just a few weeks ago, as I was crying yet again, into my fourth mug of tea, with my laptop open, but no work done.
Imagine all this time thinking ‘I need to eat better’ or ‘I want to learn a new skill’ or ‘I want to spend more time finding what makes ME happy’ being put into actual practice? There is nothing telling you that you can’t. Embrace these challenges. I have been greatly challenged, and whilst I am a long mile away from where I want to be, I want to challenge myself each day to a new task, or doing something I desperately want to avoid, so that I can feel better inside.
I think there is no right way to act upon the feeling of ‘gratitude’ if you are aware of elements of your life that may not be fulfilling you, and actively seeking out a resolution. If you need to compile all your negativity into one page, so do it. If that requires you to eat a lot of junk food, so do it.
The best way to successfully feel gratitude, is when you figure it out on your own, whether that be through a personal call with a friend, or a motivational article online. Positive psychology research really does show a form of greater happiness, through expressing gratitude. Those who practice regular gratitude are more optimistic about their lives and experience less feelings of aggravation.
I have finally become a lot more at peace with gratitude through the passing of my Grandfather, as instead of reaching that high again straight away, I managed to reflect on his past and the horrendously sad and confusing emotions that come from grieving, and appreciating that I will feel better again, even if that is not straight away.
Whilst I know the extreme difficulties in staying positive in an uncertain time, taking time to breathe, and focusing on your physical needs is hugely beneficial for a greater state of mind. If you start becoming oriented to looking at things more gratefully, you will appreciate the simple pleasures and be more mindful to having those feelings again.
This still takes me consistent reminders to appreciate the beauty of gratitude thinking, but it does the whole world of good and makes unpleasant discomfort a lot easier to control.
Written by Megan Evans
I am a 20 year old undergraduate student in my second year studying English Literature at Cardiff University. Writing has been an ambition of mine for many years, and I am hoping to pursue a career in journalism in the future, due to my undying love for magazine publications.
My plans for the future are to do an MA in Magazine Journalism after I finish my final year and I have recently been offered two amazing roles at multi-award winning publications at Cardiff University Media: advice columnist position for Gair Rhydd newspaper, and culture editor for Quench magazine. I am hoping to contribute regularly to this magazine alongside other commitments, because I value the opportunity to write particularly on topics that are typically understated.