“I’m Not Stewart Lee,” Says Comedian Simon Harverson
I did this charity gig with two other comedians and we all had to do a routine in the style of three completely different famous comedians. It was at a small, north London cafe. I knew the regular audience were educated, mainly young, open-minded, my sort of crowd, but I thought I’d have some fun with them if you get my drift? I’m gonna go old school and invoke the master of 1970s inappropriate offensiveness and use all the Bernard Manning-type jokes I can muster.
That’ll make them choke on their ethically sourced, naturally decaying, fungus-topped, yak yogurt, no live mushroom was harmed in the making of this nutritious delight. Yeah, I’m in touch with my audience, my kind of people. This routine will be full of insulting vulgarities, extreme in their style where no subject is taboo. This’ll be different. Unfortunately, the other two comedians were doing Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle.
Now on reflection, this made me wonder about the relationship between a comedian’s stage persona and the real person. I think it was I who said (and I quote) “Although I laugh and act like a clown, behind this mask I wear a frown”. Although John Lennon said something very similar in The Beatles song I’m a Loser. I think he sang I am wearing a frown not I wear a frown which is quite similar but that’s by the bye. Now, just because a comedian’s routine is full of insulting vulgarities, extreme in their style and where no subject is taboo, and they may be wearing a mask on stage it could still mean one of them is like that in real life.
Now, I haven’t met Jimmy Carr or Frankie Boyle but I’m sure at least one of them isn’t really like that. I wouldn’t want to cast aspersions against either. I’m sure both of their acts are very well-honed including the masking element. So I wouldn’t like to point to one and say “He’s not acting”, otherwise that might accidentally identify someone who cant can’t break out of their stereotypical Glaswegian persona. (And I think it’s amazing how Jimmy’s lost his Glaswegian accent.)
So, anyway, I didn’t do a Bernard Manning. I did a version of Stewart Lee and this came about because I’d been doing my regular routine on the comedy circuit and someone said to me - and ideally it would have been better after the gig otherwise that’s a heckle and that’s rude and that doesn’t usually happen in todays modern comedy performance environment, does it? I’m not sure if it’s because everyone’s so polite, forgiving and courteous or because I place notes on peoples chairs saying “Please don’t heckle Simon Harverson, he’s not equipped with sharp, pithy, instant comebacks - he just cries”. But on this occasion this woman ignored that and said - actually let me get this out from a note I wrote down which I keep in my jacket pocket just for these occasions.
She said “You’re bit like Stewart Lees. He starts a story then goes off at tangents and rambles on a bit and has some meta-storylines and asides which is like you, but Stewart Lees, despite not containing traditional punchline-driven jokes, ends up with a humorous and witty routine that people sometimes laugh at. But with you, and I think it’s more because you’re about 10-15 years older than Stewart Lees, you just simply go off at tangents and ramble on and forget the purpose of being on stage.’’
Now my first thought was and I expressed this, “Wow that was a long heckle. You didn’t just think of that. You’ve come here to say that. Why would you pay money to see a comedian that obviously you don’t like?” And quick as a flash, and with a bit of venom, she replied “I didn’t pay. My husband bought these tickets. I wanted to see a Bernard Manning-tribute act. You’re very disappointing”.
Now obviously, and you can all see where this is going, sadly, she hadn’t read one of the notes I’d left on the seats. She wasn’t playing the game. Plus, I thought but didn’t feel the need to express it in the environment of the newly established Ex-North Londoners metropolitan Liberal elite comedy club of Burnley, a Bernard Manning-tribute act? Need I say anymore?
Also, I was right. I couldn’t think of a witty, instant, pithy comeback. I wanted to say “You’re wrong. So wrong. I think you’ll find you should have been referring to Stewart Lee and not - and this is where you will have egg on your face - not Stewart Lees with an s. And now, let me read the quote again, Stewart Lees, despite not containing traditional punchline driven jokes... I don’t think Stewart Lee actually contains jokes. I think he writes them and performs them. He isn’t a vessel of jokes. He remembers them in his brain from his writing of them. If you split him open you won’t find them, other than the ones he writes down on bits of paper that he keeps in his jacket pocket and retrieves on stage. But those jokes are contained in his jacket pocket not inside him.” But I didn’t say that. I just stood there. I stood there thinking. Thinking about this up-coming charity gig in north London’s cafe quarter where we had to perform as other comedians and she’d given me an idea. I thought hmmm, maybe? Is it time? Could I? Dare I? Would the environment of the 21st century comedy clubs be ready, for Bernard?
However, I did say, “Ehhh, petal, I bet you’re the type of mother-in-law that’s so big you have your own post code.”
But the audience didn’t like that. Some audiences ehh...it’s not always easy to judge them. So I finished off with the almost traditional “I’ve not been Stewart Lee or Lees or Bernard Manning but Simon Harverson. Thank you and good night.”
Written by Sean Hodgson
Sean Hodgson lives in Oxfordshire, with a garden that has three plastic pink pigeons because this is Faringdon, Oxfordshire. He used to be a police officer but since getting better he generally keeps quiet about that.
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