Lockdown Nostalgia
Or: We’ve been in this so long now we’re longing for those early days when we at least still had a little hope and maybe a modicum of trust!
I’ve written about lockdown twice before now. Once for The Everyday back at the beginning in April 2020 and once again for 19 Stories in August 2020. I don’t want to repeat myself but it seems inevitable after such a samey 15 months. It’s been a difficult year of shifting goalposts and endless disappointment from the top.
As I cast my mind back to Spring of last year and remember how it all felt, these are the things I really miss.
Chalking in the street with the neighbours kids
A glorious spring
Clear roads
Clean air
Lockdown Springwatch
Crystal blue skies
Extremely loud birdsong
Long cycle rides to new places and some familiar ones
A weird sort of energy to try new things & get tasks around the house done (they remain half done)
The incentive to join in a few zoom shows
Furlough from my job
Low numbers in Bristol
Genuine feeling of community beyond my little borough and out into the world, the city, the county, the country.
Those first few weeks were strange and eerie but we had the most incredible spring. The air was clear, the birds sounded so loud. I played in the road at a safe distance with the kids, chalking out various games and emblems. The phrase “stay away from Von” still lingers from our street games in spring and summer of last year. Lockdown birthdays were made special by people’s extra efforts. Doorstep cakes and WhatsApp songs.
I made a couple of stop animation videos for my neighbours daughters for their birthdays, it was a lovely distraction from the relentless boredom of isolation. Everyone seemed to have the urge to try things out like online keep fit and learning new hobbies, there was a feeling of real collective spirit. Our neighbourhood has always been pretty friendly but it really bonded during lockdown. Friendships deepened and favours were easily met. Bog roll was shared, recipes were swapped, treats were traded.
At first we didn’t know how long it might last, three months maybe, seemed ages, but we were sort of prepared for it. But then it just went on and bloody on. The fear mounting, the numbers rising and our personal proximity with the virus increasing. Soon enough we started to know people affected by it too. It felt like it was unfolding like some sort of dystopian novel or film. But we gamely carried on with as much of a cheerful disposition as we could muster while sharing our feelings of uncertainty and weirdness. It helped enormously to know that we were all having these odd feelings. We really were all in it together. Well, by all I mean the people trying to live their lives, not the idiots. Remember...this was pre anti lockdown protests and widespread covid denial, the conspiracy theorists were still in the bleary eyed early morning of their ideation.
I didn’t mind being alone, in fact I think I liked it. Less complicated for sure. I had plenty to keep me connected and often mused on a pandemic without social media. Not sure how well I would have coped with a more severe isolation.
In those first few months I took occasional adventure cycle rides to new places for a couple of hours and really enjoyed the spring skies and fresh vistas, as long as it wasn’t too busy. Bristol is bursting with beautiful green spaces and all pretty nearby. I’m lucky to be 20 minutes from Ashton Court and 5 minutes from Eastville Lake and Snuff Mills. I discovered how close Purdown and Stoke Park were too and I’ve been up there a few times to hang out with the goats and watch the ducklings grow.
But as it went on and on AND ON, the enthusiasm faded off a bit. By spring 2020 the conspiracy theorists had galvanised their totally whacky BS and were marching all over social media and the streets angrily with it. The government made a right mess of things and didn’t take opportunities to protect the people of the country. I know it isn’t a simple thing, it really isn’t, but not turning up to important meetings, lying over and over again, not shutting down ports...I mean...DUH! I don’t have to explain to you dear readers, you’re all smart enough to know.
We all started to get used to wearing masks and sanitising our hands, and we learned some new terms; essential worker, furlough, self isolate, track & trace, PING!
When I think back to March/April of 2020 and the initial panic, I remember it was all very odd and alarming, the air felt spiky, everything looked slightly out of place. Then a slipping of resistance as it gave way to acceptance of the “new normal” (don’t @ me). People stopped stockpiling after a while. We were settling into a life of uncertainty, waiting for confirmation of some sort. It never really came from the government.
BUT...the vaccine, oh the vaccine, thank you for the vaccine. Through all of this I have followed science over politics, I certainly have a lot more trust in it. I know it isn’t a panacea but it’s a safety net, a really important one to help ease the strain on the NHS, to hopefully save lives and suffering. I didn’t hesitate to get mine.
ALL PRAISE SCIENCE!
In this excerpt from the article I wrote for 19 Stories much of the sentiment of that time echoes through this piece. I can’t believe it’s a year on! It makes me feel a bit sad, it shows me what I need to do to live more healthily, but alas one must pay the bills!
*I was calm...most of the time. Except in the corner shop or queueing to get into the supermarket. But I was more relaxed and many of my usual daily issues had dissipated. I slept fairly well and dreamed like mad. My IBS had calmed down. My anxiety, though present, was very manageable as we had a set parameter of guidelines to follow.*
I did however notice a real sense of the old agoraphobia creeping in, I had to take control and make sure I went out almost every day. It’s very easy to slip into old habits. I understood very clearly how I really benefit from green spaces and time spent alone in the woods.
I don’t miss…
Ridiculous queues
Very angry people
Tension in the corner shop
Hiked prices
Empty shelves in the supermarket
Uncertainty
Some of that never really went away. Much uncertainty remains and I’m still not earning enough after losing my job, but I feel I’ve got used to this new way now and things are starting to open up a little for me. It’s been a very unsettling time since last June. But when one door slams in your face, another door creaks open and someone and invites you in, and brings with it a chance to catch up to yourself. And although some of those issues mentioned above have returned, I’m glad to be working again. I’ve had a few photographic jobs and I now work two days a week in a lovely shop. The cycling commute is very much back up to normal frantic levels.
It’s lovely to see Bristol's parks and recreational spaces being so well used again after this forced hiatus, but I must admit...I miss having it all to myself.
Remember to carry on wearing your masks and keep social distancing.
Follow the science.
Stay safe.
All photos from my collection taken during lockdown 2020/2021.
Von Cake
July 2021
Written by Vonalina Cake
My name is Von, I’ve lived in Bristol since 1992 and I’ve lived a lot of lives since then.
Recipes
