The Dangers of Praising Someone on Their Weight Loss
I was inspired to share my story after seeing a number of posts this week praising the artist Adele on her weight loss; all of which came about after she shared a rare photo of herself on social media.
She received a number of comments on her Instagram post all gushing over how amazing she looked now she has lost a reported 7 stone - a rough estimation but who really knows.
This is not the first time I have come across this. I had also noticed comments appearing under photos of Gok Wan on his Instagram account. For those who don’t know, Gok Wan has previously spoken candidly about his disordered relationship with his body and food, which got me thinking about the dangers of praising someone for losing weight without really knowing that person - or what is going on in their lives.
To praise someone on losing weight with comments like ‘you look amazing now you’ve lost weight’ is to say that they did not look amazing before. These comment are triggering… maybe these comments will trigger a fear of gaining weight or a fear of a negative reaction if they put the weight back on.
I spent many of my teenage years eating excessive amounts of food, trying to fill an emotional hole, which meant that I was noticeably bigger than my friends and peers. I received a lot of negative attention for the way that my body looked; it didn’t seem to matter that I was a nice person. I was ‘fat’ therefore I was also a suitable target for the bullies,
After a short spell of illness which caused me to temporarily lose my appetite, I lost weight which as a result, and seemingly overnight, put an end to the negative abuse I received. Instead, I was greeted with comments like “Wow, don’t you look great?’”. I remember feeling seen and acceptable for the first time. I particularly remember a comment from a friend of my brothers who remarked that I was turning from an ‘ugly duckling into a swan’.
I think it’s important to remember here that my weight loss was as a result of illness and not physically being able to eat. However, after the wave of compliments, even though my appetite had slowly returned, I was too scared to listen to my body from fear that, by doing so, I would return to the ‘ugly duckling’.
People no longer refused to sit next to me on the bus (yes this actually happened, with someone once declaring that they wouldn’t sit next to ‘fatty’), people stopped thinking it was okay to pinch the ‘fat’ on my stomach and people stopped heckling me as I walked by them on the street. It felt refreshing to be able to walk from my house to friends, five doors down, without having to take the long route from fear of the boy who lived in between us… whenever he did he used catch a glimpse of me from his window I would be unable to escape the onslaught of abusive comments.
The other thing is that people would praise me on my willpower. “I would love to have your willpower”, they would say. What did they mean? It wasn’t willpower, I was suffering. It was ‘willpower’ to say no to a slice of birthday cake, or declining the invite out for a meal opting instead to stay at home crying over a plate of lettuce leaves. By having ‘willpower’ I was missing out on so many life enriching experiences and building precious memories with my loved ones.
This wasn’t the cause of my eating disorder, my relationship with food and my body had been disordered for years before this, but the shift between binge eating disorder to anorexia was most definitely triggered by a fear of regaining weight and becoming a target again.
On the outside I started to look socially acceptable which meant people took me seriously, stopped with the name calling, and I actually started to receive compliments… but on the inside I was depressed, lonely and tortured with insecurities. I was suffering physically as well - attempting to ignore hunger pangs, dizzy spells, a lack of concentration; the list goes on.
After time and continuing to loss weight, the positive attention I received stopped and I just became invisible all together. By this time I was very much in the grips of anorexia and It wasn’t long before I pretty much stopped eating all together. I became very unwell, both physically and mentally, and needed to be hospitalised. The point I am trying to make is that what seemed to be innocent praising of my weight loss become toxic and unhealthy.
If you do not know someone, do not know the reasons behind their weight loss or how they feel about it or what is going on for them mentally, your innocent comments could be harmful.
This is not to say this will be the case for everyone - but this is my story. I hope by sharing it, it might make some people at least stop and think before praising someone for losing weight.
Written by Clare Wood
Clare lives in Bristol a city which she is proud to be able to call home. She loves interior design, flowers and is addicted to podcasts.