The Pressure of The Sourdough Starter
Since the UK went into lockdown, and the world went crazy, it’s been difficult adjusting to the ‘new normal’. Some days I am the most productive, running 5k’s and baking banana bread, whilst other days it's a miracle I even leave my bed at all. On the days I am at my least productive, it is hard not to feel like I’m wasting time; not making the most of all this unprecedented time away from work. There have been a stream of articles listing the ways you can achieve the most during a pandemic, hashtags showcasing people #makingthemostofit, and did you know Shakespeare wrote King Lear during lockdown? The obscenity of pretending that work and self improvement are the only things that matter is becoming harder to ignore.
I know how privileged I am to be able to stay inside, and I appreciate even more those who are still working, especially NHS workers. Equally, I don’t want to come across like peoples productivity is a bad thing. I love how much people are doing to help others, I love the free art people are putting out to make this time easier, I love the sense of community that this strange time has harboured. I suppose you could say that I love these things on an individual level: people running and giving money towards the NHS demonstrates nothing other than love. Yet, a national push to make people feel obligated to produce during this time is obstructive. In reality, what this focus on productivity is doing is making people feel inadequate. A pandemic is not the perfect time for self improvement.
Whether you are furloughed or working from home, our new day-to-day ‘normal’ makes productivity much more difficult. Our working conditions have changed, and we’re forced to try and reflect the same amount of productivity in completely different working conditions. On top of this, we are under a barrage of constant bad news. Social media is thriving on panic, and it’s almost impossible to have a conversation with someone that doesn’t come down to the week's death toll. It’s times like this I remember that we are not supposed to receive information at the rate we do. Remember, you need time away from a situation to comprehend it, so constantly checking updates makes it impossible to even get a real grasp on what is happening right now. Instead, we have to piece together a lot of frightening information from a range of questionable sources. Nothing is clear or calm. So, you are under no obligation to be so either. If it is stress and confusion you are feeling, you are not alone.
On top of these new feelings, we should not also be feeling guilt about not learning a language, an instrument, a skill during this time. Yes, spending all but one hour a day at home is the new reality we have been faced with. But it is hard. Getting up everyday, showering and eating is enough. Not getting up is enough too, if that's what you need that day. It’s okay to be a spectator. You should fill your time now with comforting things, which may not necessarily be the most ‘productive’ thing. Equally, if you are working from home you should work as well as you can, whilst keeping in mind your own mental health. At the moment, there is so much material that can be consumed in the media, that I find myself torn between completely overwhelmed and focused on appreciating as much as I can. Take each day as it comes, and do not feel pressured. If people around you are extra productive, don’t feel the need to copy them. Listen to your own needs, because it’s likely they won’t be the same as everyone around you. Forcing yourself to be as productive as possible either when working from home or just when deciding what to do each day, is detrimental. I find myself spending twice as long writing paragraphs for my essays, and even this article took me longer than I thought. My mind is elsewhere. Are my family staying safe? Will my furlough wage be enough to cover my rent? What will things look like next month? Or next year?
There is more to life than getting things done and ticking things off a list. It speaks to the bizarre focus of our society that even in times of global grievance and fear, people are still pushed to make every second of the day as productive as possible. Instead, try spending more time focusing on what keeps your mind and body safe. If that happens to be yoga and meditation, amazing. If it’s watching Netflix with the curtains drawn, that’s okay too. All you absolutely need to do during this time is stay safe. Listen to your own needs and reach out to the people around you, especially vulnerable people. Don’t force yourself to do things that your heart isn’t in. Stay safe and stay home (if you can). We’ve got this.
Written by Kate Birch
I’m a literature undergraduate studying in York, and preparing for my move to London to start my MA. I love poetry and book reviews, and currently run an Instagram account where I post one of these ( @slowrreads ).