'The Ladies' by Michelle Blackwell
LIV turned on the tap and ran cold water over her wrists. She stared at herself in the mirror. Tonight wasn’t going anything like she wanted it to. Damn it, damn it! She pulled a face at herself, then another.
“Everything ok?”
Liv turned to see a blonde girl standing at the next sink, looking at her curiously with a slightly wary smile on her lips. The girl gestured towards the pub, the music loud as the toilet door opened, then muffled as it closed again.
“Let me guess. Relationship troubles or an argument with a mate?” She took a lipstick out of her small handbag and clicked off the lid with one hand.
She looked at Liv again and said with a little more sympathy, “Or something else perhaps?”
Liv probably would have just smiled and given a non-committal response, the kind you’d give to a stranger in the toilets of a pub. But then the blonde girl nudged her gently, in the same way Liv’s best friend always did. Liv couldn’t help but smile back. She hesitated, looking at herself in the mirror. Long hair and dark eyes, rimmed carefully with liner that promised to make you look both sexy and mysterious.
Liv looked back at the blonde girl. Oh well, she thought. This girl already thinks I’m half-crazy, what with the face pulling. What have I got to lose? So, she blurted out, “Honestly I’m not usually this flaky but I’ve come out with a guy from my gym who I’ve fancied for ages and I’ve had a few glasses of wine and now I’m potentially going to ruin what appears to be the best date I’ve been on in months and he’s going to think so badly of me cos I can’t remember his bloody name and it’s not as if any of my friends know him so I can’t phone and ask them and now I’m in these toilets panicking and I just know I’m going to need to say his name at some point this evening and even if I don’t have to say his name I can’t stop thinking I might do so I can’t think of anything else to talk about cos the whole time all I can think is WHAT IS HIS BLOODY NAME?”
At that point Liv ran out of breath. The blonde girl had stopped applying her lipstick under the onslaught and looked rather taken aback.
Liv put both hands up to her cheeks.
“Sorry, you probably wish you’d never asked.”
The blonde girl grinned “Don’t be daft. I can help. This is totally salvageable. You can’t let a good date get away just because of a little memory slip.”
Liv nodded. “But, how can I find out what his name is without him thinking I’m either an absolute idiot or that I go on so many dates I can’t keep track!”
The girl laughed, putting her lipstick back in her bag and flicking her hair behind her shoulders.
“Easy. Go back to your table and I’ll come and find you. I’ll pretend I know you from work. I’ll say hi…” The girl looked at Liv expectantly.
“Oh, Liv. My name is Liv”
“Hi Liv, I’m Belle, by the way. So anyway, I’ll look at Mr Nameless and introduce myself. ‘I’m Belle and we work together at…?’
Liv took her cue more quickly this time. “I work at the University Library, I’m head librarian there.”
“Good. So, I’m Belle and we work together at the library and then I’ll ask him what his name is. I could even praise you and say how everyone at work adores you. See? Problem solved.”
She grinned at Liv.
Liv grinned back, relief flooding through her, as warm and welcoming as the white wine she’d been drinking.
“Belle, thank you so much. Honestly, I feel like such an idiot. I’ve fancied this guy from afar for weeks, so tonight is a really big deal for me.”
“It’s no problem, honestly. I’ll be glad of the distraction. It will give me five minutes break from watching my best friend flirt with a barman we used to go to school with. Go on, get back to your mystery man. I want an invite to the wedding if it all works out though.”
“That’s a deal,” Liv laughed and pushed open the door to the pub.
Belle paused long enough behind Liv to laugh at her barman-flirting best friend, Katy, as she shimmied past.
“I’ll only be a sec, Belle, so don’t let George out from behind the bar until I’m back.”
KATY went into one of the toilet cubicles, hiccupping gently. Sitting down on the toilet a little more heavily than she intended to, she leant forwards and rested her head on her hands, singing with more enthusiasm than talent, “My my, la la la la la la.”
She grinned. Tonight was turning out to be such a brilliant evening. Who knew that Friday night karaoke in her local pub would turn out to be so much fun. It helped that George was working behind the bar and had already slipped her a few free cocktails. It also helped that George had gone through one hell of a glow-up since the last time she’d seen him. Katy had almost choked on her drink when Belle pointed him out. He wasn’t the short, very serious, little boy with glasses she remembered from primary school. Mind you, she wasn’t the tiny little scrap of a thing she had been back then either. Up until a few years ago, she’d hated being tall but she appreciated it now. Especially when it meant she could look over the heads of her friends at the bar and make eye contact with George, whom she’d noticed, had grown much taller too.
Anyway, that was enough daydreaming in the ladies. She needed to get back out into the bar, maybe ask George what time he was getting off and see if he had any plans for later. Happiness surged through her. College had finally finished and a gap year beckoned with plans for travelling with her best friend, Belle. First stop was Vietnam and Katy had done so much reading up on the place that she could be the chief tour guide. Belle laughed at her obsessive planning habits; she was more of a flop on the beach then go out and party kind of person, but Katy didn’t mind doing the tourist stuff alone as long as she had Belle to come back to at the end of the day.
Flushing the loo, she made sure her skirt was straight and her boobs adjusted to show them off to their best advantage. Humming the same tune, she pulled back the lock and crossed over to the sink. A woman wearing jeans, a black t-shirt and a pair of knee-high fringed cowboy boots stood staring at herself in the full-length mirror. She turned slightly to the side, frowned then turned again, twisting her body in the opposite direction. Katy didn’t realise she was staring until the woman said in a slightly haughty tone.
”Can I help you?”
Leaning against the sink, Katy peered down and said, “Your boots. I’ve just got to tell you that your boots are the most amazing pair of boots I’ve ever seen. Ever!”
The woman looked at Katy, a suspicious look replacing the frown. “Are you being serious?”
“I am! I really am! I love them! They look like the boots the cheerleaders on that TV show wear.”
The woman’s face softened. “Ok, well…then…thanks love. To be honest I was worried they were a bit young for me, maybe that’s why you like them though?”
The frown reappeared as she looked in the mirror again,
“I wasn’t expecting to come out this evening. It was all a bit last minute.”
“Well, I love your whole outfit but especially the boots. Honestly, you slay.”
The woman laughed. “I’m not entirely sure what slay means but I’m assuming it’s a good thing. Like I said, it was all a bit last minute. George got an extra shift behind the bar and mentioned it was karaoke tonight which I absolutely adore. My sister and brother-in-law love it too so we decided to come down.”
Katy shook the water from her hands. This lady was lovely but she really needed to get back to Belle and to a bit of flirting. She didn’t want to lose out on any opportunity with…. Woooahhh, hang on a sec…
“George? George behind the bar is your…?”
“My son, yes, George is my boy. Do you know him? He must be about your age?”
She looked closely at Katy.
“Oh, I know you. It’s Katy isn’t it? From George’s primary school class?”
Katy stood up a little straighter. Thank goodness she seemed to have stopped hiccupping.
“Yes, that’s me. I remember George from school, but I’ve not seen him around much since then.”
“Ahh well, make the most of it because he won’t be around for very much longer,” said George’s mum. “He’s off travelling soon. That’s why he’s working here, trying to earn some money. He’s off to Asia in a few weeks’ time, Vietnam first. It’s all very exciting for him. I’m excited for him too, really, I am but…”
She shrugged as her voice trailed off
Katy recognised the emotion immediately. Hadn’t her own parents spent the past month trying to sound happy and excited for her whilst trying their best to conceal their worry.
She caught hold of the older woman’s arm and squeezed reassuringly. “You’re right, it WILL be exciting for him. So many people our age go off travelling, he’ll be fine.”
“Thanks Katy, you are kind to try and reassure me,” said George’s mum. “I know, he’s a sensible boy but I just wish he wasn’t going on his own. I’d feel so much better if he had a friend along with him, but he seems to think no one he knows will be as interested in their history as much as he is. He thinks most people just go there to party.”
If this wasn’t fate then Katy wasn’t sure what was “Well, would you believe it if I told you that I’m off to Vietnam in a few weeks too. I’ve spent ages researching all the best things to see and do. I’d be more than happy to talk about it with George. We could even arrange to meet up and do some of them together?”
George’s mum gazed at Katy in surprise.
“Are you really? Oh that would really stop me from worrying so much, just knowing he’s got a friend out there. Come on, let’s go and get you a drink from George before he finishes his shift.”
She looked at her watch. “He finishes in 5 minutes. I’m off home with my sister and her husband in a sec, so we’ll leave you to talk to him.”
Katy held out her arm. “Lead the way. I’m one hundred percent up for having a chat with George when he finishes work.”
Katy didn’t think this summer could get any better but it looked like perhaps it just did. She paused to hold open the door for a dark-haired woman who rushed past, holding her hand to her mouth as she disappeared into the first empty cubicle. Two women pushed open the door next, squeezing through with their arms linked, followed by another pair. Then,
RACHEL swung through the door, stopping suddenly as she saw the queue. Damn it, she thought. Why is there always a queue in the ladies? She should have gone when her sister did, just now. She shifted her weight slightly, doing the little side to side shuffle that always seems to help when you really need the loo. Suddenly, beside the general chat and laughter of the girls in front she heard something else. Leaning forward, she listened. Someone was crying.
“Hi Rach,” said a woman turning around. “Sounds like someone’s having a great night, huh?” She pointed at the first cubicle door.
Rachel knocked on the door. “Everything alright in there?” The sound of crying continued so she knocked again.
“Come out, there’s a queue and you can cry just as well out here as in there.”
The door opened to reveal a small dark-haired woman with an impressive amount of mascara flowing down her face. The black river of make-up cut viciously through her foundation, the contrast between them as stark as the keys on a piano. She was holding a fist full of soggy tissues to her face, rubbing furiously as they crumbled into tiny bits that stuck to her wet cheeks.
“Blimey,” Rachel said. “What’s wrong?”
A small sob escaped from the woman, followed by a wet sniff. Grimacing, Rachel pulled a tissue from her bag.
“Here, use this. That toilet paper is cheap rubbish that falls apart.”
“Thanks,” the woman whispered, holding the tissue over her mouth and nose. “I’m such a mess.”
Rachel looked at her. She had as much sympathy for crying girls in toilets as anyone, but she really didn’t want to be saddled with this right now. Her sister had just come back to their table with her nephew, George and one of his old school friends. She could tell George would appreciate them leaving with his Mum sooner rather than later.
“Who are you here with?” Rachel said as kindly as she could. “Shall I go and get your friends?”
“NO!”
The loud retort was unexpected after the previously whispered response. OK, getting a friend clearly wasn’t going to help. Rachel looked at her, unsure of what to suggest next.
Using the tissue she’d been given to cover her mouth, the woman said fiercely, “I can never face anyone ever again. I just need to go home. I’m so embarrassed.”
Rachel’s curiosity began to get the better of her. She thought this was going to be a standard ‘girl crying in the toilets’ tale but this sounded like it could be something altogether different.
“I’m sure whatever it is you’ve done, it’s not that bad. Who hasn’t made an idiot of themselves on a night out?”
The woman looked up from her wet, tear-stained face. “I haven’t done anything bad. This is what is so embarrassing.” And she smiled.
Rachel blinked in surprise. “Ohhh!”
Her front tooth was missing. Not broken… just not there. A big gaping black hole, its pearly white neighbour looking obscenely perfect next to it.
“Oh goodness! What happened? Did, did someone hit you?” Rachel stammered.
The woman shook her head. “No, nothing like that. It’s a fake tooth, a bridge and I knocked it with my bottle of lager then accidentally swallowed it. I thought someone had spiked my drink until I realised it was my own tooth I was swallowing. What am I going to do? I can’t face the girls who I’m out with looking like this. They’re new work colleagues, I’ve only just started there. They’re all so cool and put together. Then there’s me, looking like a witch. God, it’s so embarrassing.”
Her voice rose into a wail and Rachel got another good look at the gap.
Not funny, she told herself, not funny at all.
“Hang on. Let me pee, I can’t think when I need to pee this bad.”
Rachel did what she needed to do, thinking hard.
“Right,” she said, flinging open the door. “If you cannot go and tell those girls the truth then you need to disappear from the pub as quickly as possible. You can send a text when you’re safely on your way home to say that you suddenly felt unwell and had to leave.”
“But I can’t just leave, they’ll think I’m so rude!”
Rachel looked at the girl in exasperation. She knew her sister and husband would be wondering where she’d got to and this girl seemed determined not to help herself.
“Don’t then, stop crying in the toilets and go and show them what’s happened. It’s your choice.”
The woman took a deep breath. Rachel could see her struggling to stop the tears and pull herself together. She poked at the gap with a small pink tongue then pressed her lips firmly together.
“Ok, you’re right. How do I get out? They’re at the bar, they’ll see me leave.”
Rachel gestured towards the back wall. “The fire escape is here. It’s alarmed but hey, this is an emergency. Go through it and you’ll find yourself in the lane beside the pub. Get an Uber ordered to pick you up and you’ll be gone before they know it. Oh, and you’d better get a dentist appointment booked too.”
As the woman fled through the fire escape, Rachel noticed a trail of white toilet paper floating behind, attached firmly to the woman’s left shoe.
Oh well, she thought with a wry grin. You can’t win them all.
Returning to the busy pub, Rachel squeezed past a couple clearly on a first date. Her husband, Jake leaned over. “You’ve been gone ages. I always wonder what women actually do in the Ladies. I mean, once you’ve done your business, maybe slapped on a bit of lipstick, what else is left?”
Rachel allowed herself a chuckle, as she swung her head back and finished the last mouthful of her drink. She smiled at her sister talking to George and his old school friend then spotted the group of perfectly dressed and made up young women at the bar. She picked up her coat ready to leave.
“If only you knew Jake, if only you knew.”
Written by Michelle Blackwell
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