Back To School: College As A Mature Student
Shortly after first moving to Bristol from sleepy Berkshire in the early 90’s, I decided to apply to do an Art Foundation course at The Bristol School Of Art; a stepping stone to a degree at Bower Ashton. I’d heard so many amazing things about the place and I desperately wanted to become a part of it. I took everything to the interview, literally. I went up on the bus from St Pauls with a massive art folder, a backpack and bags filled with things I’d made at my woodwork class and my pottery class. It was ridiculous! I got in though. At first it was brilliant, I felt like I was really starting something, but I struggled to take it seriously. My social life outside of study was creeping deeper in. I lasted about a term and a half and left to go raving. It was the right decision, I have no regrets, raving was brilliant and I spent the latter half of my 20’s having the most amazing time. I learned a lot in the short time I was there though and enjoyed the experience. It left me with an interest in mediaeval architecture I didn’t know I had and a sense of there being more to me…but it would be some time before I would truly reconnect with that.
After waving my hands in the lasers for a bit I had a baby and spent several years in a pretty difficult place. Post natal depression hit hard and segued neatly into agoraphobia and a lifetime of anxiety. I tried all sorts of things over the years and learned new skills; stained glass making, silversmithing, sewing. I did loads of government funded courses, worked in little shops and as an artist's assistant, and then I fell into some photography through a series of small events. My son ditched his GCSE course and so I upgraded my bridge to his discarded DSLR camera. Then a friend asked me to photograph a burlesque night in her pub and it kick started a whole new thing for me.
Fast forward over all the trials and tribulations, failed efforts and false starts to me in my mid 50’s and I’m actually doing it. I’ve just completed two years at college studying HNC and HND photography and now I’m finally off to Bower Ashton to do a BA!
I had applied to do a degree but they told me I didn’t have enough tariff points so I was advised by one of the lecturers there to try an HNC at the local college to get me up to scratch. I secured an interview with the tutor and he gave me an unconditional offer on the stairs! I was so stunned that I asked him to say it again. Later on during the course he admitted to me he was wondering if he’d made a mistake as I seemed quite mad. He’s not wrong, but the right kind of mad I hope.
College wasn’t always easy but it’s been right. I had the most incredible time. I made friends, I learned new things, I faced challenges and just about made it through.
From the Location Documentary project in the HNC show at the end of year show 2023
In the first week of the HNC I had a major wobble with a huge helping of imposter syndrome on the side. Our first project was to make a book using In Design. I was absolutely flummoxed, completely out of my comfort zone and I had a meltdown. My tutor at this stage didn’t have a clear idea about who we all were and what our peccadilloes or needs might be so I was unable to be clear about just how much help I needed. After a saunter downstairs to have a cry on someone’s shoulder, I regrouped and went back up and explained. My vision of a book and the actual book were very different but I managed to make something.
We were all swimming in the deep end with no arm floats, but over time we all gained confidence and learned how to experiment and have trust in our ideas. With such a variety of skills and ages in our group there was always someone who knew what you didn’t and on hand to help. We really supported each other a lot. I passed the HNC with a distinction. Yay me!
I made a book for the final project of the HND, a choice on my part this time and I knew I had the skills to do it. However, a bike crash put me out of the running for the ‘prettiest handmade book in college’ so my tutor helped make a pamphlet instead. I’d worked so hard on the concept and the images and had done a lot of running about. I had three busy artists I was photographing and managed to borrow some time from each of them for the photos. I had practised book binding after a lot of research about the subject, different kinds of stitching techniques and papers and covers. I knew I had a beautiful object within my skill set. I wasn’t able to see it through…so we topped and tailed the whole two year experience with meltdowns. The second one was much more serious though. I was gut punched with sadness and frustration about it, but also too weary and wobbly to give it too much thought. I had to let go of it.
Despite these setbacks, I did make it to the end of year show…our second one and a lot easier as unlike the previous year; this one was on site at the college. I managed to help with set up as well as mount my work ready to go up. It was so lovely being with everyone again and I thoroughly enjoyed the collective industry and tiredness in the sweaty college restaurant. Everyone was so kind and supportive about my situation and made no demands of me. I was very glad I was able to be involved. And again, we all helped and supported each other. I’d had a chance to spend time with the new HNC group which was merged with Graphic Design. By this time we were all pretty pally, a great team.
Six from a series of ten for the Conceptual Project shown at the end of year show 2024
I’m in line for a merit for the HND. I’m incredibly proud of myself, it’s been a long time coming and I finally did it. I’m on my way to that degree at last. WEEEHEEE!
Going into education later in life is an interesting thing to undertake. Despite me being the biggest kid in the classroom…I am the oldest one; our HNC cohort was 12 people, one in their 30’s, one 50 and me at 55 when we began; the rest were between 19 and 27. We quickly formed a bond and became a really great group. There was something slightly magical about it all. Once we got over our initial shyness and insecurities we were all mucking about and having laughs all the time, as well as helping each other with support, ideas and encouragement. Some bright spark made me the student rep for both years…I can’t imagine why. But half the time I forgot as our ‘repping’ was happening organically.
Some of the projects we did really stretched me, which is exactly what I wanted. I discovered I really enjoy making conceptual work and I got really deep with that project. I also found out I love studio time. This came as a surprise to me as it’s so different from the events photography I’ve developed my skills with. But having that control and a steady environment is really very pleasant. I dream of having my own studio one day, a really big one, several rooms, space to share with other photographers, artists and performers. A collective. A blending of the stuff I knew before with the stuff I learned. It’s a huge and impossible dream but dreaming got me this far I suppose.
There were times throughout the two years when I felt overwhelmed, the old anxieties became new ones. But I feel like taking this on at this time in my life is right. So finally, after 30 years of dreaming, it’s actually happening! I feel like I’m in Educating Rita at times with the same doubts and responsibilities and of course my old friend ‘imposter syndrome’, but I’ve really grown in the last two years and feel absolutely ready for it. Just as long as I can get this anxiety back in its box!
I did get to use all those skills in the end in the form of a Guest Book for my dear friends who got married in July. I put the research, ideas and ALL the love into the construction. I was very proud of it and felt like I’d achieved my goal. They were thrilled and so many guests wrote in it, I was very happy to see the pages being filled with all the love. All those weeks of planning were not in vain. Like everything we do in life, it’s rarely wasted.
Written by Vonalina Cake
My name is Von, I’ve lived in Bristol since 1992 and I’ve lived a lot of lives since then.
