Why I Hate Christmas - Mental Health & The Festive Period
When I was little, Christmas was always a magical time. Mum and Dad would put the tree and other decorations up on Christmas Eve after my brothers and I had gone to bed and sort our presents for the morning. On the day itself, we would go charging into my parent’s room, jumping all over their bed and, after they had made a cup of tea, we would sit and open our presents. We would get ready for church, pick up my Grandma, go to church with her and after we would then head home to the smell of the turkey cooking and dinner being prepared by my Mum and unwrapping of gifts from my Grandma.
After dinner we would spend the afternoon playing with our new toys and watching films. I usually chose to sit in the armchair with the box of chocolates and the new book that I had been gifted and lose myself within its pages. It was a perfect end to the loveliest day.
I can pretty much pinpoint when my attitude to Christmas changed, it was the first year after I had moved out from home. I was 18, living with my boyfriend and working full-time. Suddenly there seemed to be all these pressures and expectations of how Christmas should be, and how to provide the “Perfect Christmas” experience. There were endless parties to attend (for the office and with friends), there were gifts to buy and wrap, the house to be cleaned constantly, decorations to hang, and this need to be merry and happy ALL THE TIME. It was exhausting.
I have since, in recent years, been diagnosed with Aspergers, stress, anxiety and depression, so I am starting to understand why Christmas holds so much dislike in my eyes. I find a lot of Christmas decorations to be distracting – the lights glittering off tinsel, the fairy lights which, when not on a constant setting, give me a headache from the different flashing that they do, the smell of certain decorations (I can’t really describe it, but it’s a mix of plastic, coloured inks and dust which make me feel sick). Christmas adverts and Christmas songs hold a special kind of wrath, they are all so very repetitive. Working in an office environment and being subjected to the same songs day in and day out really stresses me out.
Having stress and anxiety compounded my dislike of the festive season. I get anxiety when trying to choose the perfect gift, or when I know I have to turn down invites to parties as I can’t cope with being around so many people. I get stressed over the amount of things that are needed to be done – food shopping with the constant beeping of tills and seemingly endless queues, wrapping gifts, writing and sending out cards, getting decorations out, planning the Christmas visits and being prepared for visitors who may show up unannounced.
Media can be blamed for some of the stress and anxiety that I face over Christmas - the adverts that show people getting the gifts they have always wanted – the ones not many can really afford, the over-the-top decorated tables and posh food that no one ever fully appreciates or eats, it seems that the pressures of Christmas are mostly manufactured by greedy corporations wanting to line their pockets as they feed off of our need to prove ourselves and provide for our family and friends, making us feel like failures when we don’t or can’t do these things.
Post-Christmas is just as bad, it is around this time that my depression really starts to kick my butt… there is so much waste to get rid of, packaging and food, and other bits that end up in landfill, the dead time between Christmas and New Year where there is nothing to do except sit and eat and drink and clear up all the debris that one day has left.
I’m getting better at dealing with it all though. I often take myself off to bed for a few hours on Christmas day, just to decompress for a bit, I avoid flashing tree lights and have a ban on tinsel in my house. In work I put my headphones in and listen to podcasts rather than listen to songs on repeat, I shop when its late to avoid crowds, I order Christmas presents online, I don’t send Christmas cards to everyone – just family, I choose one party attend, going to too many and having to be overly sociable can leave me with burnout, and I plan the shit out of how Christmas because not having a routine or schedule really messes me up.
The true meaning of Christmas seems to have been forgotten along the way, it should be about spending time with family and friends, not about buying things and seeing who’s decorations are the best and all these other things that end up being braggy social media posts, so maybe I will just give up this idea of a perfect Christmas a miss this year and make it one that I will enjoy?
Written by Suzi Tench
Suzi has a degree in Photographic Art, works as a Payments Officer, is a part-time blogger, loves colour and her dog Roxy.
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