No Such Thing As Normal
There's no such thing as a normal family. Seriously. People might think that the 2.4 children, Ford Focus in the drive, nuclear family exists, and maybe it does on the surface, but dig a little deeper and you will find out the most incredible things.
Take my family. Usually when people ask how many brothers and sisters you have it's a fairly straightforward answer right? For me, not so much. I was brought up by my very lovely grandparents from the age of about 14 months old. My real mother got pregnant when she was very young, at a time when being a single mother wasn't quite as accepted as it is these days. My father was much older than her and they didn't stay together. I don't know any of the detail of why they parted company and know nothing of my father except for his name and that he was, to say the least, a bit of a rogue. What I do know is that my mother left me with her parents for a short while, went to London to finish her nurses training and kind of forgot to come back and get me for a few years.
I can't in all honesty say I'm sorry about this as I had the absolute best childhood. My youngest aunt is only 14 months older than me, so I slotted on the end of the family pretty easily. I knew none of this until I was much older - I think about 12 years old. I'd seen my real mother at various intervals over the years believing her to be my oldest sister. I never knew that her other two children were my half brother and sister - I'd always thought that they were my niece and nephew.
So, when someone asks how many brothers and sisters I have, do I say four sisters and two brothers? Do I say one of each?
Whenever I talk to people about their families, there’s so often a great story that frankly, makes my situation look positively normal. For instance, I was chatting to a colleague one day about where we grew up. She had lived in Ireland when she was very young and her family were part of an infamous gang. We’re talking full on Krays-style gangland here. She spent a large part of her childhood living in fear. She remembers her father boarding up all the windows and spending his nights on guard with a shotgun. They were constantly on the move and never stayed anywhere long. They finally moved to England and her, her mother and sister now live happily and close to each other. You can see that she has built a total world of security around her in the way that she is and the way that she lives. An opposite life from what she was brought up with. It must have been terrifying at times.
Another friend of mine moved to England from Czech Republic. Her family had been very wealthy and owned a fabulous mansion with acres of land, forests, lakes and so on. They enjoyed the good life of a by-gone era. Dinner parties, balls, hunting parties and house parties. All was good until one night, grandfather had one port too many at the after dinner poker table and bet the family estate on a sure-fire hand. He lost. The lot. The family had a week to leave their home and make other living arrangements and came to England. That one bizarre act changed the family’s entire lives.
I know that some people’s histories are difficult and unpleasant, but each and every story builds the people that are all around us and I can’t help but find it utterly fascinating. The person next to you on the bus, your colleagues that you see every single day, every one of them has a story in the background that makes them who they are and dictates how they live, their actions, their loves and fears. I often see someone when I’m on the train, or just in a restaurant and wonder what it is about them and their story that has made them who they are. So, I apologise to all my friends who probably think that I am extremely nosy, asking all manner of impertinent questions, but I also know I won’t stop doing it.
Written by Sarah-Jane
Sarah-Jane lives in Bridgwater, Somerset with her dog, Daphne and her partner, Simon. She loves walking and nature and volunteers for WWT at Steart Marshes. She also loves crafting and wishes she was actually Kirstie Allsopp (and had her frock collection).