Rebecca Olayinka - Superficial
Content Warning - This piece discusses harassment and sexual abuse.
I wrote this poem, which is a bit of a detour from my usual style, and I was nervous as this has not been an issue I have spoken about. However, it is raw and somewhat vulnerable (which can be read through the subtext). I have also had people respond when I have brought up these issues and say, "Is it a crime to call a woman sexy?" which it is obviously not, but why does an opinion need to be given so freely? Particularly if it is to another stranger?
In addition; as a sexual abuse survivor, it also can at times have a triggering effect on me. Not always, but definitely sometimes and I wondered if other survivors do feel the same? The issues in my poem are ones that have plagued me for many years and are born out of frustrations that I experience weekly, it seems now. It is something I am seeing in the media so much nowadays and in recent days/weeks there seems to have been a sort of influx of men who have killed women becoming accountable for their actions.
For me it is around superficiality and the way at times women can be treated to be used by men and for men and society; I feel can drive that narrative.
I am also conscious that this could also speak in some ways to the LGBTQ+ community. Even though this may speak generally to women, this group may somewhat identify with what I have written, and if not, I would be interested to know of their experiences and how they feel about such issues.
I regularly get told I am beautiful, or that I am pretty,
I am the “superficial being” that apparently men want.
My deep set eyes, high cheekbones, my full lips and hourglass figure,
Yet it’s nothing more than “superficial”.
You go out, you get accosted, on the street or in bar,
It doesn’t really matter where you are.
If you are female it seems to come with the deal.
The ongoing harassment,
But why should we be the ones to continue to carry the embarrassment?
This isn’t for me, yet this has been happening since I was 15.
I tried to fight it, now I write about it.
A guy will say to me “You’re a Sexy AF/Sexy MF”.
I am unimpressed, I hear it so often, it’s now a humdrum.
Just an opinion expressed,
Still nothing more than “superficial”.
It has nothing to do with who I am; my passions, my dreams, what excites me
So sometimes I let out a scream… albeit quietly.
Objectification is to some men an ongoing situation.
A mindset of getting,
Yet I’m never clear what they are giving….
Only a quick ejaculation of their stuff?
I have been used and abused,
Yet it is not something I have always wanted to admit to.
The victim blaming, The victim shaming,
Yet no accountability, or fear of reprisals.
Is this based on toxic masculinity or some warped view of survival?
I do wonder if there will ever be an end to gender based violence.
It baffles me, the behaviour is rewarded somewhat celebrated,
It is often, unchecked and unbridled.
Yet, I still retain a new hope for a new conversation with a new bloke.
But as I resist the pressure of yet another sexual encounter,
I seem to be of no more value.
To them I’m a superficial being,
My boundaries are intact, but somehow I can no longer attract.
But this isn’t really about me,
For I am not broken,
For I am whole and complete.
I am not just a body to use for superficial uses and gains,
For I have a strong will and I have a strong name.
I have a plethora of qualities,
A backdrop of authorities
A love that is real and takes the heart of me.
A love inside so strong it engulfs me,
I am a far from a superficial being,
It may be a man’s world but I choose to stand with other people and myself… as an ally, within it.
Written by Rebecca Oluwaseyi
My name is Rebecca-Oluwaseyi and I live in London. I spent many years studying and working in Bristol where I attended UWE Bristol and completed my Social Work Degree. I am a qualified social worker and freelance writer and speaker. I am very passionate about Black Foster Children as I was a care experienced child. I have been very lucky to have my written work featured in 2x books that I have contributed to; Outlanders- Hidden Narratives from Social Workers of Colour & ChickenSoupForTheSoul-I’m Speaking Now: Black Women Share Their Truth in 101 Stories of Love, Courage and Hope.
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