Dating Apps: Burning Society One Swipe At a Time
In 2022 there is a dating app for everyone! Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Veggly, Happen, Grindr, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, you name it, the list goes on. As like most people, I have tried some of the most popular dating apps there are and my honest opinion is that it is a waste of time that’s fulfilled by sucking people in with hope. It has never worked for me simply because I find it extremely difficult to interact with somebody over an app and I think this is perfectly within our natural capabilities as a species; of course it has worked for many regardless of one's desires whether it's a hook-up, dating, relationship or marriage. I prefer to call it “trying it out”.
What I will say is that the ONLY time I ‘met’ anybody was during lockdown 2020 where I entered into Passport mode on Tinder, that allowed me to be anywhere in the world. I made a spontaneous Zoom call with a woman my age who lives in Canada! It was certainly an intriguing experience and most definitely far from reach though, we have each other on socials.
The question is though, is this all a joke or is there actually some tangibility? Let’s start!
Burning society one swipe at a time
Swipe left, right or up for a super like; based on what exactly? It’s a rare occasion that anybody’s bio is filled to the brim with information that’ll help me to know this person and even then, you’ll likely swipe based on appearance which in this world, we frankly need less of. Judging whether a person is the ‘right’ fit for you based on looks is soul destroying and toxic; in order to fit in with society you have to have this hair colour, this waist size, this colour skin, clothing, brands and the list goes on. Whilst body acceptance is rising, it’ll be hard to overpower the systematic culture we live in any time soon and at the end of the day, this world is full of people profiting at the expense of another person's look and/or health.
More and more studies are showing that dating apps could increase the likelihood of break-ups or divorce. One study from the Marriage Foundation titled Relative Strangers: The importance of social capital for marriage, suggests just this! Breaking up and/or divorce rates are higher amongst those who meet online, than those who meet in-real-life and the reason for this, is that couples are “relative strangers” due to potentially “lacking social capital” or “close networks”.
Connecting the impossible
It might be hard to be optimistic if you’ve not had success. Having said that, there is evidence that suggests dating apps aren’t so bad after all and that the trend is only going to increase, as the desire to pursue high levels of attractiveness increases.
There has been plenty of research due to the high levels of data that exists - the likes of Pew Research Center and the Oxford Internet Institute show the behaviour changes and statistics of people using these apps/sites.
In 2018, the Oxford Internet Institute “analysed 150,000 profiles and a decade's worth of eHarmony communication data.” Unsurprisingly, they found that traditional gender roles were still persistent. “In fact, the number of men initiating conversations online has increased, from 6% in 2008 to 30% in 2018. What’s more, when women do make the first move, they receive 15% less communication than men.”
What you may be more interested in though, is the predicted ‘success’ to which they found that for men, displaying more photos increased the likelihood of receiving messages, alongside displaying athleticism, agreeableness and altruism. For women, being athletic, romantic and altruistic were the strongest indicators however, over-indexing as too anxious or clever all decreased the likelihood of women receiving messages.
Whilst levels of openness have increased, the stereotypical behaviours are still not shown to a societal level (though slowly being outweighed) and unfortunately, even in 2022 it still seems these roles play out in society. In order for this biassed role to diminish it will not only take time of undoing but it may also require men themselves, to realise we live in a world where women too shape the world and ultimately we live in a world with an increasing percentage of women desiring the qualities of a man and vice versa.
There are many mixed opinions on dating apps and sites; whether dating online is actually safe or if it offers neither negative or positive effects on dating and/or relationships. In any case, what they often don’t tell you are the harsh realities because of course, that could result in a loss of profit.
According to Pew Research Center, “60% of female users aged 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, whilst 57% reported being sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for.” In addition, dating apps are particularly popular amongst the younger LGBQT community where it could potentially be easier and safer to meet somebody who shares similar desires to you which, I think in the current time this is a perfectly acceptable reason; perhaps as more and more women and LGBQT show more resilience, they can display themselves on a societal level and not solely online.
Will we see more online dating?
In contrast, dating online trends continue to rise as the world becomes increasingly connected yet ironically disconnected. According to IBIS World, the restrictions imposed by the government due to the pandemic, saw an increase in online activity and alongside the expected surge in revenue growth. Apps such as Hinge adapted to the restrictions by offering the ‘Date from Home’ feature, that allows for virtual dating and such features are aimed at driving consumer usage. Consumers need to be on high alert with increased online activity because according to Which? “there were 7,754 online dating scams over 2020, a 40% rise from the prior year, costing consumers a total £73.9 million”
According to research by the Imperial College Business School, by 2037 most babies born in Britain could be born to parents who met online and this suggests that more people will meet online if trends continue. A further study by sociologist Michael Rosenfeld from Stanford University, showed “that most heterosexual couples today meet online.”
To online date or to date IRL?
It really depends on your situation! I personally prefer to meet people in person socially and if there’s a vibe then it’s certainly more exciting to ask somebody out in the moment and besides, what’s the worst that can happen?! Having said that though, with the ebb and flow of the virus meeting online is an option that initially might be your best bet if you’re wanting a relationship; there are a few things to note though.
Online dating
Be really careful when talking to a stranger - you don’t know who this person is. Find a way you can confirm the person is legit.
Take your time when you meet them - there’s no rush so don’t do what you don’t feel comfortable doing as the right person will wait for you. If and when you do meet, do so in a public space in broad daylight (applies to IRL meetups)
Be aware of scammers, impersonators or a catfish - if it sounds too good to be true then do a bit of digging first before getting your hopes up; you’ll usually know if somebody is not who they say they are within the first few messages but if you’re really not sure, then ask a friend for help!
Don’t think too much about the intro - talking is so much more than a ‘witty’ one liner and if they (and you) value you based on only that, then it’s probably time to re-evaluate who you’re talking to.
If not IRL then virtual - most dating apps have the built-in feature to video call (thanks pandemic) that has many benefits including saving money and time, meeting somebody you just don’t get on with and instantly ending the call if you do accidentally meet the wrong person!
Dating IRL
Be as open as you can - there’s a difference between telling somebody every intricate detail of your life and being honest. Being open means allowing yourself to be you and the more you can do of that, the more the other person can build a better understanding of who you are and how they feel about their personal stance
Decide on an activity you’ll both enjoy - nobody is saying to jump out of a helicopter but most wouldn’t say no to coffee!
Be clear in what you want - if you’re not sure then say so! It’s better to meet somebody new, enjoy yourselves and say farewell than thinking one thing the other person isn’t there for….
Body language is your friend - unlike online, you can actually understand a person just by their body language which is so useful! Side note: try not to think about your intro and just say what comes naturally - you can’t go wrong with asking “How are you? What have you been up to?”
At the end of the day, why not relish being single?! I personally chose to be single and lead a life in solidarity after my previous girlfriend 5 years ago now (well, as much solidarity as you can get in the Western world that is) and it has been the most liberating thing I’ve ever done. I really know my truest-self and that to some degree is more important than being with somebody - you know if a relationship is going to happen, it’ll happen!
Finally, why not experiment and try to enjoy dating yourself? Go for a coffee date by yourself, a dinner date by yourself or whatever takes your fancy. In any case, be sure to go with the flow and try not to put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship.
References
Anon, (2018). New study reveals changing trends in online dating. [online] Available at: https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/news-events/news/new-study-reveals-changing-trends-in-online-dating/#continue.
Dinh, R., Gildersleve, P., Blex, C. and Yasseri, T. (2020). Computational Courtship: Understanding the Evolution of Online Dating through Large-scale Data Analysis. arXiv:1809.10032 [physics], [online] v3. Available at: https://arxiv.org/abs/1809.10032.
Anderson, M., Vogels, E.A. and Turner, E. (2020). The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating. [online] Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech. Available at: https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/.
www.ibisworld.com. (n.d.). IBISWorld - Industry Market Research, Reports, and Statistics. [online] Available at: https://www.ibisworld.com/united-kingdom/market-research-reports/dating-services-industry/.
Benson, H. (2021). Relative Strangers: The Importance of Social Capital for Marriage. [online] Available at: https://marriagefoundation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/MF-Risk-of-online-weddings-v6.pdf [Accessed 26 Dec. 2021].
Singleton, L. (2019). By 2037 half of babies likely to be born to couples who met online, says report | Imperial News | Imperial College London. [online] Imperial News. Available at: https://www.imperial.ac.uk/news/194152/by-2037-half-babies-likely-born/.
Shashkevich, A. (2019). Online dating is the most popular way couples meet. [online] Stanford News. Available at: https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/.
Written by Harry Bone
Harry is a percussionist and musician with a passion for sound and creativity. I am a content creator and writer enthusiast as well and I have been using my Instagram platform as a medium for this. An aspiring sound maker and content creator you can find my current adventures at @harrysvegan & @__hbmusic
Recipes
