Famous Mistresses Throughout History
When my mother was in her early twenties, an older man smugly declared to her that a woman is one of three things: a great wife, a great mother, or a great mistress - I’ll give you a moment there to pick your jaw up off the floor and stop screaming.
Women have always faced judgement, and have had disproportionate emphasis put on their relation to men; labelled as virgins or whores, nurturing mothers or wicked stepmothers, dutiful wives or cheating Jezebels. Heaven forbid we should just be allowed to exist in our own right.
In 1911, even Marie Curie was shamed and dubbed a ‘homewrecker’ for her affair with a married man, the angry newspaper articles ignoring her scientific achievements in favour of printing her private love letters. Despite her winning a Nobel prize that year, the Swedish Academy asked her not to attend the award ceremony because of the scandal. If the first woman to win a Nobel Prize can’t escape being branded a mistress first and a scientist second, what hope did other, more ordinary women have?
So, as many canny women through history realised, if you’re going to be defined by your relation to men, you may as well make it worth your while. The role of mistress could be a way out of poverty, as it was for actress and mistress to Charles II, Nell Gwynn. It could be the route to power, as it was for Anne Boleyn (and her family) - but we all know how that turned out. It could also be a route to high status and respect, as it was for Aspasia of Athens all the way back in the fifth century BC.
Not one to be pigeonholed by sexist a-holes from the future, Aspasia neatly straddled all three categories, being first the mistress of Pericles, then his de facto wife and mother to Pericles the Younger. Sadly, as with so many women of history, what we actually know of her is limited. Her biographer, Madeleine Henry was able to cover the facts of her life in all of nine pages. The rest has come from Old Comedy plays, the only sources who talk about her during her lifetime. Sadly, these focus primarily on her sexuality, her role as mistress to Pericles and her alleged occupation as a brothel-keeper.
Philosophers such as Plato disagreed with this portrayal, describing her as educated, skilled in rhetoric, and a respected advisor on marital concerns. It has been argued that she opened a popular salon for influential men of her day, including Socrates, and this was twisted to make her a brothel-owner in the comedies of the time. As Henry argues, “we are not required to believe that Aspasia was a whore because a comic poet says she was".
However, it is likely she had been a courtesan or madam at some point, as it would not have been acceptable at the time to make these allegations about ‘a respectable woman.’ Therefore, although she achieved some degree of power, independence, and good reputation, it is likely her beginnings were those of a courtesan or sex-worker.
A mother, a wife and a mistress, a wise educated woman and skilled rhetorician. Aspasia could have been all these things or none. Unfortunately, although this famed mistress clearly had influence, little is known of her life.
Another famed mistress, Harriette Wilson, wasn’t about to let comic playwrights or philosophers tell the story of her life. Instead, she wrote her own rollocking account, The Memoirs of Harriettete Wilson: Written by Herself. Born in 1786, Harriette was one of fifteen children to parents who kept a small shop. At 15, she followed her older sisters into life as a courtesan, as mistress to William Craven, 1st Earl of Craven.
It was rumoured that she may have been mistress to George IV while he was Prince Regent, and indeed, she could have been, had he bothered to visit her. But upon receiving a demand that she instead should go to him, she replied: ‘To travel fifty-two miles this bad weather, merely to see a man… would, you must admit, be madness in a girl like myself, surrounded by humble admirers who are ever ready to travel any distance for the honour of kissing the tip of her little finger’. Now, there is a woman who knows her own worth.
As Harriette aged, her suitors lessened and those that, in the heat of love, had sworn to her generous pensions in her old age, reneged on their promises. Who would have thought serial adulterers could be so disingenuous? Not one to be disheartened, Harriette collected her life’s adventures in her memoirs and informed her ex-lovers that it might be better to give her the money they’d promised, than see their nefarious deeds in print. Many handed over the cash, but the Duke of Wellington famously declared, “Publish and be damned!” So, she did. Harriette’s memoirs were the soap operas of their day, published in instalments running to thirty-one editions in one year alone. Versions were translated into German and French to titillate our Continental cousins with descriptions of her affairs, including her lovemaking with the Duke, described as “most unentertaining” and 'very uphill work.”
Although the success of her memoirs came as the result of some slightly dubious blackmail, there is no doubt that Harriette Wilson played the game well, mistress-ing and publishing, like a boss. Unlike so many women, she was able to tell her story in her own words.
Moving any moral and religious objections aside, it is clear that being a mistress provided opportunities for some women to move beyond a constrained life. Harriette was clearly a wit, just as Aspasia was an intellectual, but to get the opportunity to use these gifts, they had to entangle themselves with rich, powerful men. Without that option, the whole of Aspasia’s life would have been, like her early years, a mystery. And who knows about Harriette? Without her life as a courtesan, perhaps she would have taken over her father’s business and lived a quiet life as a shopkeeper, denying the world the unflattering image of the Duke of Wellington on the job.
It is interesting that the word ‘mistress’ can have such conflicting meanings. In his Dictionary of 1755, Dr Johnson gives the following definitions: 1. A woman who governs 2. A woman skilled in anything; 3. A woman teacher; 4. A woman beloved and courted; 5. A term of contemptuous address; 6. A whore or concubine.” Although Aspasia and Harriette were labelled whores and concubines, they were also clearly skilled, beloved, and had a strong influence over men who governed or held positions of power, indirectly accessing power themselves. They may not have been in a position to govern, but as mistresses, they exerted their influence in one of the only ways a woman had available.
The smug man who patronised my mother may have been attempting to reduce her to a role, or perhaps shame her by implying that women were ‘only good for one thing.’ Even our historical sisters Aspasia and Harriette, with the limited options that they had, prove him wrong. They took control of their lives in the best way they could and were memorable not just for their relationships, but for their skills and talent. I’m sure, were they able to butt into the conversation, they would join me in telling him this: All women, whether they are a wife, a mother, doctors, teachers, admin assistants or astronauts are all great mistresses. Of themselves.
Written by Mel Coghlan
Mel Coghlan is a an exams organiser, event co-ordinator, sometime tour guide and spreadsheet queen from London.
When not doing all of the above, she enjoys writing, theatre, wine drinking and anything that staves off anxiety. Mel finds talking about herself in the third person disconcerting, but oddly pleasing.
