I Am 1 in 100: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss - End The Taboo Around Miscarriage
Trigger Warning: Mention of Miscarriage
Did you know that 1 in 4 of those who are assigned female at birth (AFAB) will go through a pregnancy loss?
And did you know that 1 in 100 of those who are assigned female at birth will go through recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL)? In the United Kingdom, a recurrent pregnancy loss is when someone who is AFAB goes through 3 or more pregnancy losses (with or without a successful pregnancy between the losses).
Although when you start trying for a baby, you don’t ever think that you’ll become part of that 1 in 4 statistic, and you definitely don’t expect that you’ll become part of that 1 in 100 statistic.
I always knew that I was at risk of having a miscarriage or pregnancy complications when I decided I wanted to try for a baby, due to having stage 4 severe widespread endometriosis (endometriosis is a chronic condition in which tissue that is similar to the lining of the womb grows on or/and in other places in the body - it is has been found on every single organ in the body), polycystic ovarian syndrome - also referred to as PCOS - (PCOS is a chronic condition which affects the ovaries and how they work, it can cause irregular periods and difficulties with getting pregnant amongst other symptoms), and adenomyosis (adenomyosis is a chronic condition where the lining of the womb (uterus) grows into the muscle wall of the womb.)
I had my first miscarriage when I was very young and, due to it happening a long time ago, the details are fuzzy. But also being so young and naive, I didn’t think that it would happen again.
I started trying for a baby with my ex in 2018 and it took us 4 years to get pregnant. This pregnancy unfortunately ended in an early miscarriage on November 2nd 2021, when I was 6 weeks pregnant.
Going through this miscarriage is something that haunts me every single day, and I have daily flashbacks to that time.
At the end of 2022, my current partner and I got pregnant unexpectedly. I was so happy. Finally, my dream of becoming a Mama to an earth-side baby was going to come true. But those dreams were shattered when I started miscarrying on Christmas Day when I was 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
In the Autumn of 2023, we decided to start trying for a baby as we were both so desperate to have an earth-side baby. But before 2023 was over, our hearts were shattered two more times when we had another two very early miscarriages, also known as a chemical pregnancy. (A chemical pregnancy/very early pregnancy loss is a pregnancy loss that happens before 5 weeks gestation. Although personally, I hate this term as it feels so dismissive.) We lost our second pregnancy on November 4th, and our third pregnancy on December 2nd.
These were my fourth and fifth pregnancy losses. I was well and truly part of the recurrent pregnancy loss group; a club that absolutely nobody wants to be a part of.
Despite having gone through these five losses, I was still hoping that we would be able to have our miracle rainbow baby in 2024 (or at least get pregnant with our miracle rainbow baby in 2024). This definitely wasn’t the case, and nothing could’ve prepared us for the heartbreak that was coming our way.
In 2024, we had five more pregnancy losses. These were all very early pregnancy losses that happened before five weeks. Our first loss of 2024 happened on May 28th, our second loss happened on August 15th, our third loss happened on September 9th, our fourth loss happened on October 6th, and our fifth loss happened on November 3rd.
Each time I saw those two lines (a positive result) on the pregnancy test, I was in love with our little baby that was growing inside of me. I had visions of how our lives would be with our little one. I was thinking about how much our baby would look like me or their Daddy, whether they’d have their Daddy’s laugh or whether they would have my eyes and his smile.
But the minute that bleeding started, those dreams that I was so desperate to become a reality were brutally torn away from me, and instead of having our babies in our arms, my heart is broken in a way which it will never be mended, and I’ve been left with PTSD from all of the losses we’ve been through.
There is so much taboo around talking about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. It is an extremely isolating experience and you feel extremely alone when you are going through it. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful partner and family, as well as some amazing friends who have been incredibly supportive. But it has still been a very isolating and lonely experience.
After going through 10 losses, I have finally been referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, and we are just hoping and praying that this will help us find the cause of our recurrent losses. We are also hoping that the clinic will be able to give us some treatments to help me carry our baby to viability. Having said this, the unknown is extremely frightening and not knowing whether or not we will be able to have an earth-side baby or not is a huge concern of ours.
Going through pregnancy loss is nothing to be ashamed of. It isn’t something that should be hidden. You shouldn’t have to feel like you can’t talk about your losses and your angel babies.
There are various charities and organisations that can help those who have been through miscarriage and pregnancy loss. A few of these are listed below:
www.miscarriagemumma.com
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
www.tommys.org
If you have been through a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, please know that you aren’t alone, even though it may feel like that. I wish I could say it gets easier, but it doesn’t. But you find a way to adapt and live with the grief that pregnancy loss leaves you with.
I have created an Instagram account (@myfightagainstfertility) to try to help others who have been through and are going through recurrent pregnancy loss. I wanted to create that platform to let others who have been through RPL know they aren’t alone.
Written by Sophie Smith
