The podcast problem: what Steven Bartlett's two glasses of wine can teach us about self-love
We've all heard it, judged it and likely heard other people judging it too.
To be fair, I don't particularly want to scoff at someone who is probably just as caught up in the rat race of perfection as the rest of us, but as a human, and more importantly, a writer who understands clickbait, I couldn't not mention Steven Bartlett's name in the title. Such is the modern world.
The real issue here isn't that podcast episode. If anything, he's part of the same online ecosystem that occasionally needs to spin a dramatic story to keep our doom-scrolling, easily distracted minds engaged.
In my opinion, he has always done this. Possibly as a way of relating to his guests and to build a narrative. I don’t bother with long, lengthy, preachy podcasts anymore, but I recall him often mentioning that he has a friend who does this or knows someone who does that. I mean, good to know he has a lot of flawed (and very human) friends, that’s for sure. Heck, maybe he's talking about himself half the time and, as a result, has become popular with fellow imperfect humans. Or maybe, like the rest of the podcast crowd, he's trying to churn out relatable stories and stretch a conversation to an hour that realistically could have wrapped up twenty-five minutes earlier.
And just on that subject. Podcasts are long, aren’t they? No idea how we’re meant to squeeze in a cold water swim, twenty minutes of breathwork, overnight oats prep and a therapy session when we have a three-hour podcast to listen to.
What interested me wasn't necessarily what he said - it was why we all seemed to have such a problem with it. I mean, come on, I very much doubt Steven Bartlett had two glasses of wine and ruined his life. We all get dramatic sometimes. I recently convinced myself that an ingrown hair was a life-threatening medical condition and spent forty minutes on Google preparing for my own funeral. Humans exaggerate. It's part of our charm.
Also, did anyone else notice it started as two glasses of wine and then became three? Maybe he forgot to mention the two bottles of proseccy and tequila chaser.
I think the response wasn’t about his OTT reaction to a (somewhat subtle) booze-up. It felt more like a collective sigh of exhaustion. The exhaustion of living through a self-improvement culture of push, push, push. Improve, improve, improve. Abstain, abstain, abstain. Be healthier/ wealthier. Slow down, but be more productive. Be the BEST version of yourself. Don’t have three glasses of wine, don’t miss a gym session, and for crying out loud, don’t you dare think about podcasting worse.
I mean, bloody hell, we’re not a software update? We can’t just optimise our existence as though we're iPhones, accept the terms and conditions to work faster and more efficiently, eradicate the glitches and the blips until the next podcast or life coach tells us the next hack.
And worth noting, these podcasts are all starting to say the same thing, right? Wake up earlier. Drink less. Cold plunge. Journal. Meditate. Track your sleep. Track your steps. Track your protein. Track your thoughts. Track your ruddy tracking.
Honestly, I'm knackered just writing it. It's enough to make me want to crawl back under my duvet with a packet of Hobnobs. (Guilty).
Life really is about balance (without sounding like the next guest on a Steven Bartlett podcast).
Think about nature for a moment. It exists in constant contrast: light and dark, day and night, summer and winter, sunshine and rain. It's always changing, always moving between one state and another.
Nature isn't perfect. It has moments of breathtaking beauty (September sunsets spring to mind), but it also has its harsher moments (torrential rain after a 30-degree heatwave, anyone?). Yet we don't expect nature to be perfect. We accept its seasons and unpredictability as part of the deal. Perhaps we need to recognise that the same is true of us - we are nature too. Change, opposition and continuous transition are all part of the very necessary, very inevitable and very human experience.
To have one too many drinks. To skip the yoga class you enthusiastically booked on Sunday evening because by Wednesday, your feelings about downward dog had changed.
To fluctuate between happy and sad, proactive and unmotivated, social and hermit-like. To change and grow and mould and adapt and revert, then realign, to dip and to blossom.
What strikes me about many wellness platforms is that they often regurgitate quotes, hacks and frameworks, telling us things we already know. Yet somehow we come away feeling worse because we didn't cold plunge that morning, forgot to say we were grateful, and definitely didn't make the smoothie containing lion's mane. Or what is it now? Collagen??
At the end of the day, if there really was a seven-step framework for optimum health and happiness, then we'd all be doing it. There wouldn't be podcasts or self-help shelves, or webinars and retreats, courses and memberships teaching us how to become better - when we’re all doing pretty well, I think. Considering.
Considering what you ask? Well, considering the three glasses of wine last night, of course. I’m just kidding, I’m going to be a bit more morbid than that. But bear with me. Considering that there will be a time when we aren’t here, and everyone around us won’t be either.
So you know what? Sometimes you're just gonna drink that bottle of plonk because you're sitting with friends you haven't seen in months, and the conversation is flowing, and nobody is quite ready to call it a night. Sometimes you’re gonna have half a pack of biscuits the following morning because they are there and sugar exists and life is short. Sometimes you won’t feel like running 5K because your head hurts slightly and your body is craving crumpets and a crime documentary instead.
Sorry Steven, you've caused quite the stir online. But this comes from one fellow imperfect human to another. Stop trying to be perfect and attain the unattainable. Humans drink too much sometimes. Humans impulse spend and skip the gym and say silly things they don’t mean. Humans order takeaway and stay up too late.
We are wonderfully inconsistent creatures.
Notice, too, how often we focus on where we went wrong. In Steven’s rather relatable example, we dwell on the one night we drank a little too much and overlook all the times we chose not to. We can become so focused on our perceived failures that we lose sight of our ordinary experience and magical existence!
Perhaps what’s missing from all of this is self-love. And I’m not referring to the Instagram version filled with candles, face masks, hot baths and indian flute music (though all dreamy and recommended)…
Real self-love is speaking to yourself as you would a best friend. It's the voice that is nurturing and understanding, that approaches all parts of you with kindness and acceptance.
What self-love is not is abstaining from alcohol for a month and then berating yourself when you have a drink. What it is is making choices that support your wellbeing while recognising that being human means we won't always get it right. It means offering yourself the same dignity and relatability you would so readily give to someone you care about.
It's recognising that your worth isn't dependent on your productivity, your Apple Watch stats, your morning routine or your winning daily streak on a meditation app.
When self-love is present, the rest follows naturally. You go to the gym because you love yourself, you say no to the third glass because you love yourself, you eat up your veggies because you love yourself.
Nevertheless, if on occasion you didn't deny yourself the third glass because you were having a brilliant evening with friends you hadn't seen in a while and weren't quite ready for the night to end, you don't spend the next day berating yourself. That's self-love too, because you love ALL parts of you.
There’s a belief (and the online space is a huge catalyst for this) that if we achieve enough things, we'll finally like ourselves more. We'll finally feel worthy and enough. Perhaps, for many of us, that search started long before adulthood. But the fact of the matter is, if you love yourself, then all those things become natural additions rather than forced requirements.
Your value should not be placed on external factors that almost certainly won't be your final thought as you take your last breath.
"I really wish I'd done one more leg day before I perished."
Said nobody ever.
In conclusion, self-love first, self-growth second. Third glass of wine if you really feel like it, as long as you’re not mean to yourself the next day.
These podcasts suggest that the best version of ourselves is the most disciplined and productive. Perhaps the best version of ourselves is the version that knows how to treat itself brilliantly.
P.s. I hope Steven's life feels less ruined now he has overcome his very human hangover x
Written by Chelsea Branch
Chelsea is a writer exploring the psyche, our relationships with others and ourselves and the messy, beautiful reality of being human. She is currently writing Imperfectly Human, a narrative non-fiction book about perfectionism and what happens when we stop trying to fix ourselves and start allowing ourselves to be.
Readers can sign up for book updates and become part of the Imperfectly Human Club at https://www.imperfectlyhumanclub.com.
You can also find her writing on Substack at @chelseabwrites.
