Things I Wish I'd Known in my Twenties
It was a great shock to discover, when writing this article, that I’m not 20 anymore. It turns out, I’m double-20. Or forty-teen, if you will. Those past years seem simultaneously like a blink, but also centuries. It’s certainly at least 3 dress sizes ago.
I shall attempt to advise my 20-year-old self, but it’s hard because I’m not entirely sure she wasn’t a bit of a dickhead. So, that’s the first thing I’d say: If you can look back every 5 years and think, “God, I was an idiot, wasn’t I?”, then you’re making progress. I’m not saying hate yourself or beat yourself up for your mistakes. Rather, look back with kindness and an amused smile, as though you were observing a favourite younger sibling. 20-year-old me (20Me), are you smarter than you were at 15? Yes? Good, you’re heading in the right direction. Wait till you see 40-year-old you, she’s barely a dickhead at all (ahem).
I threw this question out to my friends, to see what they would advise their younger selves. Some great wisdom came back: Exercise, be healthy, invest in your mental health, moisturise, don’t give in to your low self-esteem, you deserve better. Yes. All of this. But as one friend commented to her 20-year-old self, “you’re going to ignore the excellent advice I give you”. That’s the truth, because I’m sure we all heard these things in our 20s and did we do them? No. It’s only now that I can’t do one solitary sit-up, I realise the value of occasional exercise. So, I know, 20ME, that you would be nodding and smiling while all that wonderful advice fell onto your youthful, deaf ears.
One friend had some very specific advice for herself, “Scott is an arsehole”. Yes! Don’t we all wish we could have avoided certain relationships and all the drama they brought? But 20ME, when you are suffering through love life disasters or dealing with a-holes, it will eventually help you realise when you’ve got a good one and value that too. Ain’t no way nowadays that I’d stray for a bit of cheap novelty. So, I would say, 20Me: Don’t beat yourself up for your relationship disasters or poor decisions. They will give you the smarts to get it right in the end.
Oh, and there’s nothing like first love. THANK GOD. Once you’ve recovered from that, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th love are MUCH BETTER.
You may not listen to my advice, 20Me, but here’s a golden secret I’ll share with you. Everyone wants what you’ve got. No, not your collection of cheap shoes. YOUTH. As that Sunscreen song advised, “Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.” 20Me, I know you’re thinking, “What power do I have? I’m terrified, I’ve got no experience. Who’s going to want to hire me?” Nowadays, I run a careers network for young people, and I can tell you that our industry is obsessed with you lot. How to get young people into the sector, how to keep and nurture young talent. We have free networks, free events, free advice, free resources. There’s much more of it out there, in any industry you want to get into. Take advantage of it all, 20Me. I’m going to tell you to write more. Enter some damn writing competitions, work your way up to apply for arts grants for young people. (Ah, how different things could have been!) It’s going to be much harder when you’re older. No one wants to hear about the oldie who’s done something or won something. They want to hear about the super wunderkind who wrote 3 bestsellers before they were 25. I’m not saying that’s right, but you may as well milk society’s obsession with youth for all it’s worth. And renew your damn Young Person’s Railcard. You’ll miss that when it’s gone.
However, luckily, you’re not going to drop dead when you hit 30, so don’t beat yourself up for the chances you miss. Some opportunities may pass, but you don’t need to get everything done before the last day of your 20s slips away. That’s just nonsense people like me write about in magazines. If you are fortunate, life is the ultimate long game, with surprises around every corner. There’s time to do the serious and scary stuff. Spend your 20s giving yourself something to be nostalgic about and, ultimately, the rest will work itself out.
You may not have life figured out, 20Me, but I’ll be honest, you won’t have it figured out in your 30s either. Or your 40s, really. Some things get clearer, but new, confusing worries come along. Yes, I may be less worried about my love-life or my career, but I’m a hell of a lot more worried about middle-aged spread and the fact I can’t bend over without making an “Ungh” noise. I know you think there is a point where you’ll suddenly feel ‘grown up’ and everything will fall into place. I’m sorry to break it to you; there isn’t, and it won’t. Life will never be ‘perfect.’ Neither will you. But that’s okay. Age and experience mean you’ll cope better and if you occasionally freak out, that’s fine. You’ll know that it will pass.
Although, 20Me, the age of forty may seem dead to you, it’s not. You’ll be pretty much the same. You’ll still be leaping up and elbowing people out of the way when Britney’s Toxic comes on. You don’t have to rush your 20s or worry your way through your 20s. There’s time. Enjoy yourself. Learn by experiencing. Stay safe and be kind to yourself. No one ever improved their lives by berating themselves over every little thing.
Oh, that’s all very easy for an old fogey like me to say, I know. But be kinder to us older people, 20Me, because one day you’ll be older too and, although that will be pretty great, no one will think you’re cool anymore. You’ll be a bit sad about that. No one will even say cool, and you won’t know what the new term is. So be sympathetic to us oldsters.
Are you listening to me, 20Me? No, of course you’re not.
Written by Mel Coghlan
Mel Coghlan is a qualifications professional, event co-ordinator, sometime tour guide and spreadsheet queen from London.
When not doing all of the above, she enjoys writing, theatre, wine drinking and anything that staves off anxiety. Mel finds talking about herself in the third person disconcerting, but oddly pleasing.
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