Surviving Your Twenties As A First Time Mum
Oh, how to be a girl in your twenties. Dancing the night away. Dressed to the nines. Hanging out with your friends…That’s what we picture right?…
How far from the truth this can be.
I constantly see posts all over my social media that talk about surviving your twenties, or how to find your ‘girls’ in your twenties. But what I haven’t seen is how Mums survive their twenties whilst raising their babies. Because the difference is, whilst trying to navigate all the usual feelings and emotions, you are also trying to raise a tiny human.
As a 24 year-old first time mum, boy am I trying to survive my twenties! Some weeks don’t feel as successful as others as I try to steer my way through friendships, relationships and where I want to be in life in terms of a career. There is all that same existential dread and questioning, but with the added pressure of raising a child.
So, in this article, I want to try something a little different - I want to talk about the reality of being a younger Mum, whilst offering tips and advice that I feel have genuinely helped me.
Friendships
As we get older, friends often start to dwindle; this is not often for any particular reason other than the fact that life just sometimes gets in the way. People move away, begin new relationships and new friendships and the result is that sometimes you can become less of a priority.
So how do we make sure you keep these friendships? Part of it is about what I just said above. Have compassion and understanding for the fact that friendships evolve and go in phases; sometimes you may feel closer than other moments. But also, crucially, communicate. Tell your friends how you are feeling. Allow them to help. Let them into your mind and headspace when you are feeling overwhelmed, and don’t feel ashamed to let them into the reality. Friends are there for a reason - the good ones reach out a hand when you need it. You just have to remember to ask.
There is a lot of societal pressure around what being a mum should be and feel like, but your friends are humans. They may also be Mums. They know it isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Let them into your world, and don’t be afraid to get real with them.
Careers
Growing up we are expected to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives almost immediately. As someone who has been in the healthcare industry since she was 16 but also has a journalism degree. I think it’s fair to say I don’t really know what direction, career wise, I want my life to follow. This is absolutely normal, I’m 24, I have my whole life ahead of me; the retirement age is 66. I have plenty of time to figure out what I want to do.
So I also give myself, and ask you, to give yourself compassion. If right now, all your job does is give money to provide a roof over you and your child’s head, then you are absolutely doing plenty. It is totally normal to put a career to the side to focus on your child; you are not doing anything wrong by doing this.
Of course, if you want to focus on your career then you can and should! Again, communicate your wishes to your loved ones. Email and reach out to people if you can. Know that you can take things at your pace, and you can plant seeds that won’t sprout, career wise, for years to come!
Just know that, whatever you are doing, you are doing a good job. Raising a child is tiresome, it is exhausting, and you don’t need to beat yourself up if career wise you feel a bit lost.
Mental health
Often as mums we become very low on the priority list when it comes to maintaining our own mental health, and doing things for ourselves that make us feel good. Whether it be putting some makeup on and getting dressed up out of your pjs, going for a walk or even just listening to a bit of music. Whatever it is that gives you that hour or so of peace and happiness, do it because it will honestly make you feel a thousand times better. Whether you're a mum who is trying to survive her 20’s or just a girl trying to survive her 20’s it is so important to make time for you!
It is important to remember who you are, remember what you love and to remember we are all on the same journey, with or without little ones by our side. We’re all slowly figuring out things on separate paths and separate timings. We have to be patient with ourselves, communicate with ourselves and those around us. Everything will all fall into place in due course.
Written by Georgia Clarke
