When The Bubble Pops: Losing Yourself in Motherhood
Becoming a parent is one of the most beautiful and rewarding things life has to offer. No one can prepare you for that moment when the doctors and nurses lay your baby on your chest for the first time. It’s like, in that second, your whole world has just been completed; all the pain, all of the emotions, they just combine into this indescribable happiness.
Those first few weeks, even months, are so special. You and your partner are just in your own little bubble with this gorgeous little baby that you have spent months waiting for. Nothing can compete with those first moments; watching their hair grow, those first sparks of a personality. But what most aren't prepared for, like myself, is when ‘the bubble’ pops. Now, if this was not your experience that is amazing! But for some new parents, especially like myself, this can be the case. The bubble did eventually pop and, when it did, it was hard to navigate my way back or to find the new version of myself. Being completely honest, i'm still not 100% of the way there but i'm definitely figuring it out…and it is something I want to shed light on to hopefully help new parents themselves.
You’re probably thinking, Georgia, what happened? Why did the ‘bubble’ pop? Well, here’s the thing. I didn’t even realise it had for a very long time. It was only when I went to the doctors, for a totally unrelated issue, that I found myself blurting out all of my feelings that I had clearly been suppressing for months.I got asked a lot why I hadn't spoken to my health visitor or the midwives when they had come round in the first few weeks of me becoming a parent and I answered honestly, I was in my bubble. I hadn’t felt any of these feelings those first few weeks. For me, I didn't notice I was losing my sense of self for a long time; neither did my family. It was lots of things; a cumulative effect of millions of tiny moments, that led to that moment at the Doctors. I had lost the relationships with a few friends, I was struggling to adjust to my new body and regulating my hormones, trying to navigate my relationship with my partner, going back to work and, of course, simply trying to be a Mum!
What I realise now though is that I needed this moment. It showed me that to be the best Mum I can be, I had to start putting myself first again. And, honestly, I think I speak for many Mum’s when I say that this is one of the hardest things you have to come to terms with when becoming a new parent. It feels like a strange paradox, and an impractical one at that. How can you find the time when you’re busier than ever? A whole human being relies on you. Where are you supposed to find this ‘self-care’ time? And, surely, shouldn’t you be piling your energy into your child? All of these things are true, but so is this: if you do not take time yourself, you will start feeling detached from what makes YOU who you are.
I spoke to my lovely friend and Mum of two, Chloe, about her experience when she became a first-time Mum and this idea around losing her identity. This is what she had to say: “I would say a couple months into when I had my first child, I really realised who was there for me and who wasn’t. I was at a completely different stage in my life to a lot of my friends. I went to baby groups and all I was known as was Teddy’s mum. Not only did I no longer look like I had looked my whole life due to shifting baby weight, I just felt my only role was someone’s mum and nothing else, which for a while left me in quite a difficult place.”
“By the time I had my second baby I had cut out a lot of rubbish and had really changed as a person, for the reason I didn’t have time for people-pleasing. If people didn’t want to make an effort and be part of my life with my family as a whole then I would really distance myself from them. I had made ‘mum friends’, who understood completely how I was feeling and I felt at home in this new version of myself.”
I asked Chloe what piece of advice she would give to new parents, and she said, “A piece of advice I would give someone is that it is important to take time out to do things for you that make you feel like you again. I found myself going to the gym, not only is it my hour a day where I am just me and not someone's mum but it also gave me a degree of control over my appearance, and my body, which helped me massively.”
“I felt like me again which led me to be the best version of myself for my babies. So whatever it is that you love, don’t stop doing it because you are a Mum. Make time to go and do things that you enjoy because they help bring your sparkle back.”
I saw a quote once that said “the oldest child grows up with their parents, while the youngest are raised by their parents”. This for me really hit home. It reminded me that I'm still growing as an individual and I am also still navigating life, which is hard enough without a baby! It is ok to fall off the track, it is ok to focus on yourself and most importantly it is ok to talk about these things. The feeling of losing your identity when becoming a new parent is different for everyone. No experience is the same, it’s just important to remember that it’s part of the journey and it does and will get better. And, on top of all that, you have a little mini-version growing up beside you, which, even after all of this, is the BEST feeling in the world.
Written by Georgia Clarke
My name is Georgia Clarke and I am 23 years old. I am a first time mum to a little 1 year old. I currently work as a healthcare professional but enjoy writing on the side. I enjoy writing pieces that can help people in different ways whether it be physically or emotionally.
