This rabbit-like inability to be sick is sadly not evidence of a super-human immune system, nor is it an indication that I possess what my friend Eve would describe as the hardy ‘stomach of a goat’. Instead, it’s the result of a life-long and exhausting struggle with severe emetophobia – one that, up until the recent pandemic, I believed I was finally overcoming.

Breast implants or the, ‘Boob Job,’ has been the number one cosmetic procedure carried out for the past 13 years, in the USA alone 300,000 people opted for the procedure in 2019. But many are not aware of Breast Implant Illness and the impact it can have.

At some point I made the mistake of saying ‘yes baby, I will always give you a massage whenever you need one’. This was a seriously misjudged error on so many levels. One, I didn’t realise quite how long forever is.

Now it’s three months later (keep up people), and I am back in the specialist's office. After 5 minutes of silence and tapping at the computer, she spins around on her chair and rather flippantly states, ‘Yes you have Narcolepsy. You know it cannot be cured, right?’

The notion that pole dancing is easier or even specifically ‘made’ for skinny women does not hold any merit – look at the amazing Nicole Byers. The truth is that pole dance is not easy, period. If it were, we would all be paid professionals! Your body type does not determine your pole journey.

Photographs have always helped to remind me of and feel connected to my own lived experience and anything that can achieve that sense of knowing is definitely worth being grateful for.

The warmth, the campness, the glitter, the critical, sarcastic humour, the unspoken sadness- there is a comfort I find in the entertainment we Brits watch through our boxes, and this year more than ever, I am particularly grateful for it.

I started a blog, that sadly wasn’t taken care of enough (but maybe to be added on my new year’s resolutions), but then I found The Everyday, and it really offered me another chance to write. I’m incredibly grateful to this magazine for getting my creative juices flowing, but also for challenging my ideas of what writing needs to be and how it needs to be done.

I'm not going to dwell on the bad stuff. We don't need reminding what has happened. We're all living it, but in amongst the pile of steaming horse manure, there have been some gold nuggets – if you move too fast you may have missed it twinkling in the sun. And that's what I am grateful for—the ability to slow down, to just stop and take a collective breath.

To my cats, having moved out, lockdown is the longest we’ve spent together in years. Your quirks, cries and catnip induced crazes got the family through a difficult time.

Is it still that simple to have an attitude of gratitude in these uncertain times?

There is definitely something in the Bible for every mood. There is romance (The book of Ruth), there are wars, battles, kings and beggars (Most of the Old Testament), and there is magical, wonderful Jesus (The New Testament. I would particularly recommend the book of Luke). And this is all wrapped up in everyday life.

Family zoom calls became a weekly highlight, offering more regular connections than we have had in years. Postcards, phone calls, videocall coffees and wine Wednesdays became essential and strengthened ties to friends and family.

You don’t need me to tell you that 2020 has been a shocker, but the more I dwelled on what the hell to write here, I realised that like many tough times, good things have come from 2020, and as winter settles into its seat and 2021 approaches, I realise I have a lot to thank 2020 for. I found my strength.

How does one make friends as an adult? Where do I find them? Is there an application form? An “I’m looking for friends” badge I can wear? More importantly, who do I want to make friends with? What type of people do I like? Jeez, what kind of people might like me? It was proving to be a bit of a friend-finding minefield.