It was Jose; my partner; who assured me that my mum and brother, the people who I wanted to please so much, would be happier with a large smile on my face rather than with a large house in the beach
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Every time I pick up my phone or open my computer I am inundated with invitations to watch theatre online. From archives of shows I’ve been dying to see to play readings on Zoom, there seems to be something for everyone. As an avid theatre goer I should be reveling in the onslaught of content, right? So what’s the problem? It’s just not the same.
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I’m not much of a traveller, in fact I’m quite an avid NON traveller. I don’t like to go in cars, I’ve never been on a plane, I’ve been abroad twice and both times were awful and very short. I’m just not cut out for it.
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The time stolen from them is now invested in me. It is my responsibility; no longer just mine to waste as I please; I must do something with it, use it for us. There is a real, working part inside me that does not belong to me. It has lived in someone else. It is rented, borrowed, robbed, a gift that was never intended to be mine.
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If I can get through this completely alone, with no distractions for the first time in my life, I can get through absolutely anything completely alone. And I will come out of this a better, stronger person. With a huge arse.
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I loved my cap when I was younger. It wasn't any old cap but a Chicago Bulls cap circa 1992-3. And I considered it to be a lucky cap. Though you have to understand that for a 17 year old young man of colour, living in pre-gentrified East London was not always a breeze.
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I have now been away from my hometown for two years, almost. You might think that at some point you get used to it, being far away. Well, not exactly. I don’t know about all of you out there, but I need some certainties in my life. Like knowing where to get a decent coffee, or which street is better to avoid when coming home at night, or which cashier is nicer in my local supermarket.
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The whole world is on pause and yet we are still being told that we need to have a stiff upper lip and not worry. If we do as we are told and stay positive, that it will be okay. However, a lot of the time it isn’t okay, for many of us, the struggle to stay positive becomes the very thing which weighs us down.
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This isn’t all about my dear old Aubrey and his life, the kind of man he was, and how much I and so many others will miss him. I could go on forever with that. It’s really about how moved I was on the day of his funeral… I learnt on that day that we as people adapt with the tenacity of compassion and love, by any means necessary. How we need to connect in order to survive or, more plainly, to cope.
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Although interracial relationships are great and, let’s face it, natural, interracial dating experiences are usually tied inextricably with racism. Interactions with some of my partner’s friends have been interesting to say the least…
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When I was in school I used to self harm. The last time I did it was at university. It’s something I still think about a lot; not that I tell people that but I do still struggle. I still battle with something that feels like a craving; like wanting a cigarette or a glass of wine at the end of a hard day.
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It would simply cease to exist if I hadn’t given up dieting and discovered Intuitive Eating, which is a philosophy that pivots on honouring your hunger and eating what you want to. I used to think my hunger was the enemy: a devious scheming bastard whose calling card was an empty Penguin wrapper and a stomach full of guilt.
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There's no such thing as a normal family. Seriously… I'd seen my real mother at various intervals over the years believing her to be my oldest sister. I never knew that her other two children were my half brother and sister - I'd always thought that they were my niece and nephew.
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The idea came about one boring evening indoors. It had been a year since we all graduated and we decided we wanted a creative project to really have fun with, something outside of our usual routine. As black Muslim women, there is an evident lack of representation, particularly in the podcast world and so it was important for us to create a platform which would be considered relatable and accessible to many like us. We wanted a platform where we could openly express our thoughts and personal experiences whilst just having fun with it
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I know something is wrong, so we take my friend’s Mum car and as we walk up the hill and around the corner we see two ambulances and several police cars. I run towards the house and am stopped in my tracks by a policeman - ‘you can’t go that way you don’t want to see that’… but I am looking for Dad. ‘He’s gone’ I am told.
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The winter sun is streaming through the window, I sit with my coffee and edit the photographs I took at last weekends’ monthly drag show. Each photograph I bring up on the screen is a reminder of the wonderful people that I get to work with, hang out with and call my friends. It’s a reminder of how far I have come
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In 2018 she tried to take her own life after experiencing a breakdown at Law School in Bristol. Today, Loo is truly shining as much light as possible on this important societal issue.
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In 2013, we met an awesome woman, C, who was already helping another couple to become parents. And when she had helped them by carrying their daughter, she offered to help us. We had become good friends, and bonded over our love of food, particularly curries.
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I spent 11 months in Australia and a month travelling home (via various countries). During that time I heard the term ‘opportunity of a lifetime’ frequently. I heard it from other backpackers, from people I met, from people at home. I never liked the phrase.
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A brown skirt suit, Jesus, what was I thinking? I thought borrowing something smartish from my big sister would help, and maybe it did, but it absolutely wasn’t me! I felt like a total fraud. I sat on the coach at Maidenhead bus station thinking it was the start of the rest of my life! That 11 quid fare was my ticket to freedom! It was the summer of 1989.
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