To this day, I’m still not quite sure how I survived all my housemates at university. Before going to university, I never thought I would struggle so much to understand and be understood by other people but living in a house with a bunch of psychopaths really changes your perspective. And trust me, I don’t use that word lightly.

Glastonbury. That one word, for so many people, triggers a firework display of thoughts and memories - the good, the bad and the bloody brilliant.

When most people my age were thinking about the song they wanted played as their first dance on their wedding day, I spent my time thinking about what song I wanted to be played at my funeral.

It was Jose; my partner; who assured me that my mum and brother, the people who I wanted to please so much, would be happier with a large smile on my face rather than with a large house in the beach

Every time I pick up my phone or open my computer I am inundated with invitations to watch theatre online. From archives of shows I’ve been dying to see to play readings on Zoom, there seems to be something for everyone. As an avid theatre goer I should be reveling in the onslaught of content, right? So what’s the problem? It’s just not the same.

I’m not much of a traveller, in fact I’m quite an avid NON traveller. I don’t like to go in cars, I’ve never been on a plane, I’ve been abroad twice and both times were awful and very short. I’m just not cut out for it.

The time stolen from them is now invested in me. It is my responsibility; no longer just mine to waste as I please; I must do something with it, use it for us. There is a real, working part inside me that does not belong to me. It has lived in someone else. It is rented, borrowed, robbed, a gift that was never intended to be mine.

If I can get through this completely alone, with no distractions for the first time in my life, I can get through absolutely anything completely alone. And I will come out of this a better, stronger person. With a huge arse.

I have now been away from my hometown for two years, almost. You might think that at some point you get used to it, being far away. Well, not exactly. I don’t know about all of you out there, but I need some certainties in my life. Like knowing where to get a decent coffee, or which street is better to avoid when coming home at night, or which cashier is nicer in my local supermarket.

The whole world is on pause and yet we are still being told that we need to have a stiff upper lip and not worry. If we do as we are told and stay positive, that it will be okay. However, a lot of the time it isn’t okay, for many of us, the struggle to stay positive becomes the very thing which weighs us down.

This isn’t all about my dear old Aubrey and his life, the kind of man he was, and how much I and so many others will miss him. I could go on forever with that. It’s really about how moved I was on the day of his funeral… I learnt on that day that we as people adapt with the tenacity of compassion and love, by any means necessary. How we need to connect in order to survive or, more plainly, to cope.